Friday, September 9, 2016

Stuff and a maudlin rant...no quilting...just delete...

Even my exciting new purchases could not fix tonight...maybe manana...


Just FYI...I oppose the current trending of:
 "How to Life with Less Stuff"
I love my stuff!!!
Fabric stuffed everywhere.
Fabric collected and loved and petted for 50 some years..
Fabric of all colors and designs.
Fabric in big pieces and small pieces.
Fabric bought online, saved from clothes, bought in stores, bought from thrift stores.
Fabric used for quilts and pillowcases and potholders and presents for teachers....
 and quilts for sad folks.
Fabric used in therapy...for me and for others.
So there!!
Just sayin'.....

 Just got sentimental a bit...this hour of the night, you know....
When I Go
That, and death talk today at our Sit-and Sew  and my call to my homeless son,
have put me over the edge.
Me thinks that there is too too too much upon my plate.
Dizziness and cognitive distortion once more
 as I ready this grandma's self for a very early bed.
It is amazing how the defense mechanisms dole out realities in measured portions.
Today I came to the horrible realization that my dear man will never be here again.
That my 37 year love affair is gone.
Tonight I feel erased and in decline.
No use saying how lucky I was, for in this black hole, I cannot find gratitude.
I can only hold on for survival.
Tonight my son insists  he desperately wants sobriety.
He said that sleeping on the sidewalk is messing with his mind.
He said that he needs help and a place to stay.
OMG!  I have the children here...I cannot help.
I told him to check into treatment.
He says that there are no beds.
I cannot bear the thought of another loss if he overdoses..
I am a mess.
Funny...the only things my friends can do is to listen with love...no fix for this one.
I am so grateful for my friends.
The only thing that helps me is to talk it out and to sew....and just maybe tonight...
To Bed!!!!
 Of..course...12 year old Tigger loves me anyway.
.despite the cancer growing on his nose!
He is faithful:)

7 comments:

Gisela Suski said...

I am sending you a hug. No words.

Alcea Rosea 31 said...

Hugs,hugs and more hugs.

Rhonda said...

I am sending you warm hugs as well!

smazoochie said...

It must just break your broken heart. So much to bear & without your helpmate at your side.
I'm sure I speak for all your blog friends, we are always here to listen.
Sending hugs.

Peggy Boltes said...

Diane, remember that 9 letter word?

Gratitude

I can feel your eyes shooting me down, from here.
Love you, and I know my smart friend will make a smart move.
Peggy

Holee said...

Diane, don't let him get to you. Tell him to go to the local gas station, 7-11 or some little store and openly steal some little thing like a bag of chips...they will call the police and there is his bed for the night. He might even get a bed in a rehab if the judge orders it. Addicts know this.They do it all the time. I would say he is trying to get you to give him money..don't!

The love affair with hubby will never be over. Not even if another man takes your hand. Mr.O is your first love and he'll be making a place for you. You're not alone, his love is still there holding you together.

m. said...

Oh, Diane, hugs and more hugs. Thank goodness for good words from your wise friends! Holee and all your other friends have said it well. All I can add is more hugs!