Sunday, June 26, 2016

The Kneed to Survive

I am HOME!!!!
10 Days in a rehab nursing facility.
How to survive...lessons...
Make your room in the nursing room look like home...kinda...!!
Have someone bring in your travel sewing machine to keep your mind off of the dementia patient screaming away down the hall.....and off of your own pains...both physical and mental
  Invite your friends over to the facility to celebrate their 99th birthday!!
Laugh and laugh and eat cake.!!    Chocolate Cake!!!!
 Celebrate the friends you have....with the awesome sense of humor!!
The gift close to my heart....Chocolate!!!!
Alas, the package had been slashed and Granola replaced M&Ms...
When I went for the sugar....ha ha ha...
You call that funny!!!! ??????

Have a friend you can text at 5 am who cares and understands.
Have a friend who calls you from Miami to give a hug by phone.
Have the most awesome daughter ever ever ever!!!
Have a friend to bring you dinner on the day you get home.

Cry and cry and cry until the tears can no longer distinguish which pain they are addressing...
the knee, the man, the mother or the son...
And so it goes..I am home an empty house...celebrated by peace and quiet, pain and fatigue..
I have walked thru the fire...coming out the other side, a better person.
Met some awesome new professional friends at the facility.
Gave them all a zippy purse of gratitude with a shiny penny inside for good luck.
Participated in firing that horrible nurse...
Life is still a beautiful thing.  xoxo

Friday, June 24, 2016

The Big Dose or News from the Nursing Home

Every night
She is screaming loudly for her mother. And for her son "Mama, Joe...Where are you?"  She is in her 80's. Her Mama is surely well gone as is this lady's mind.  I drown out her crying with the the hum of my little blue sewing machine.  It is all set up in my rehab room in order to save my soul. My daughter brought the. Small machine along with a bag of random 2.5 inch scraps.   A jelly roll seemed like the easiest non thinking project for my rehabilitation , don't you think??..

The excruciating knee surgery pain has subsided. Tbtg and I am slowly starting to heal,, slowly..I said!!
What has kept me longer has been the wound I sustained at the wedding. Can u believe that.???
A wound doctor was called in to debreed. The 7 week old wound. I will have to follow up with when I am discharged. Omg. Still another thing.
From the other night came
The wearing thin of this nursing home. I am not my own keeper. The nurse told me that she brings fresh water around at 5:30 am.  It was 8pm at the time of my request.  I asked her to be sure to bring my pain meds at 2am even if I was asleep.  No mam, was the answer. You are not in pain, if you are asleep. It is now 3:15 am. 30 minutes into my pain medication request of pain medication scheduled
for 2....
I am in pain.
 The nurse,s. Answer:  Sometimes a pill doesn't fix it ,you just have to work through it.  I said maybe the head nurse can help us out. She said. I am the head nurse. 
And so it goes on the rehab ward of the brand new, high end Pavillion at Brightmore in Charlotte,NC

I had planned on a. Visitor tonight at 6. When it was cancelled, I was not lonely.  For in wheeled Ms A ,  thinking that my room may be cozier than her own
My Knee pain and I are saying the serenity prayer as we continue to wait for Hydrocodone that was scheduled  .forever ago. 1.hope it comes with prune juice as all of this  is. royal pain in the patoot,!
I have brought with me the quilt that I made from the Mr s shirts. I sleep under that at night to keep me safe. I miss him so. Some times the tears get confused and do not know which place they are coming from.

The good news is that I am going home on Sunday,!!
I am going home with Home Health for my wound and PT and OT,,,on a walker, etc
The gratitude thing....Friends. Friends. Friends.   Visits, cards, presents, emails , meals hugs and more.  LOVE
I have made new friends and unlike many here, I get to be going home
I have a small I-pad here so it is hard for me to figure out pictures and formatting. I just wanted to give you all a shoutout ....I am alive and sewing and healing

Friday, June 17, 2016

An Ortho Hola

Today, My I-pad resurfaced ....lost in the drama of this past week.
Thought maybe some of you would be wonderin' just how I have navigated the way.
Here I am.  From the hospital bed, from the rehabilitation facility, from my heart.

Five days from the butcher knife slice in my broken, aged knee to the new, adventurous vinyl replacement.
It has not been easy. I have sobbed mightily as the medical profession worked to balance my pain medication.  First, I had side effects to the Morphine and slowed my breathing and slurred my brain. Next the NSAIDs increased my blood pressure.   Still screaming here. Finally Hydrocodone saved the day.
All this scary stuff slowed the rehab process.  My first choice for aftercare had been coming home to Ms Stephanie and my daughter , Emily.  Now things were way too complicated.  I could not walk. I could not get to the bathroom alone. I was crying with pain.  The doctor put me on the second choice bandwagon, the Pavilion at Brightmore
With a good section of ortho-rehab.  It has taken until this afternoon for the pain to be under control.  Oy vey. I can now use the walker to go potty myself!! My OT and PT started today.  Wish me well.
With love, I will send future, pictureless updates as I can.  I probably will be here another week working away at working away.  No sewing but. I-padding the many Craftsey classes I bought and never watched, reading and being grateful for the many great people it has and is taking to keep my show on the road.  XxxOoo


Saturday, June 11, 2016

The Pre-Op party at my "joint"

Tonight,  my widow's group got together for my pre-op party at my house...
Really...any excuse for a party...pot at my "joint"..ha!!
So fun. Eleven people came with yummy food and laughs.
Flavored waters  shown here...Emily helped me out...
Although, I did notice that most wanted vino and not water.
Stephanie came to help with the cleaning and the kids...
But, Evan was the real hero!!  He helped so much.
Every one loved Evan.
I covered everything that looked messy ...with my quilts.. such the lazy one!!
Here is a  result of  my stress buying ...I love these fabrics so much that I doubt I will be ever able to use them.
I think it is now time for bed...16 year old Pumpkin is so tired from the party that no matter how loud I shouted, she just could not open those eyes for a picture!!!!

A big thanks for all the support and emails from you dear friends.
36 hours and hopefully, the new knee will be installed.
I might just really be able to do this without my dear man....with a little help from my friends.
Ok, a lot of help from my friends.

Friday, June 10, 2016

An Addiction quilts, no pictures...only Hope

Waking Up Naked

I'm at a party when a kid asks me, 
"hey you wanna drink, bro?"
Uh, no thanks I don't drink anymore.
That's fucking lame
Motherfucker, lame, weak
Sometimes I gotta be boring
--so I'm boring.
The parties I usually go to consist of coffee and feelings.
A few times a week, we sit in a circle and try to piece our lives together.
We do not remember them so clearly.
Besides, one time when only weighing 130 pounds,
I killed a bottle of Jack Daniel's in thirty minutes.
The next morning, I woke up in the back seat of my car naked, and neck-deep in leaves.
I am allergic to alcohol.
Every time I drink, I break out in handcuffs.
I crap on the living room carpet, and then kick down a door.
To date, I put three cats on a treadmill, one dog in a cupboard.
Do not call me boring, Sir
Once, I forgot where my house was.
I was escorted by strangers, carrying fifty cookies and an umbrella, butt naked.
But, one time, I headbutted my best-friend so hard, I shattered his nose.
And, one time I took more pills that I can remember and accepted I'd be dead within the hour.
Don't you dare call me weak.
I have swallowed more pints of regret than you pump blood through your body.
Tell my father it was boring to look his only son in the eyes.and tell him that if he drank one more time,
 he would not be welcome in the house.
Tell my mother I am weak.
She failed to hold back tears, driving me home from the psych ward.
She would see her son handcuffed to an emergency room bed.
She spent four years praying for  my sobriety nightly.
You will not take this from her.
If you offer me a shot, there had better be a trigger involved.
The strongest I have ever felt, was the first time I said no to a drink.
I have said no, every morning since September 29th, 2008.
I say no eighteen times before breakfast, one for every step it takes to get from my bedroom to the fridge.
I say no ten times before work, one for every billboard that tells me I was stronger when drinking.
I have said no more times than I can count, one for every night 
my family lay awake trying not to imagine my headstone.
When you ask me the question, I do not hear the words you are saying.
I hear you ask me, "Do you want to die?"
No, I don't want to die anymore.

author unknown to me...

The Lessons

Age seven...Lynsey's first sewing lesson.
She is soooo thrilled.
She is especially thrilled because she thinks that her brother,
Evan only started learning at age 8.
And she thinks her brother, Dylan will not learn until age 9.
Two lessons, in sewing and one in giving back.
This is a "thank you " present. It is a bag to hold grocery bags.

This Monday morning, 5:30 arrival, 9:00 surgery...and I should have a new knee...
God willing!!
When I fear for my Monday morning surgery,
I forget the rest of the world and what they go through.
Beth does a great job here as she fosters her volunteer program.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Such Random Joy

The rush was on..finishing end of school presents...We
At midnight hour, I decided that helping Evan would be saner than us all going nuts..
 It was a good choice.
  Fabric is from IKEA

Letters I found already made on Equilter
On checking this link, I see that they have no more of it.
This is a copy of the fabric in case you want to google find it.
Evan making his school math tutor a potholder present.
Lynsey has one more present to make and we are done...
Someone graduated from fifth grade today.
Now we have a middle school student living here. the excitement..the ceremony, the gift cards, the brunch at Le Peeps.
Tonight, Evan and I finally were able to watch together...:
Great British Sewing Bee season 4
Sew much fun!!
A very fun day!!!

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Here we go again...oh...Rantadiddle, Rant, Get it going Girl..

Terrible pictures so sorry...the bad pix are the bad day..ugh.!!
Bag made for a birthday party for one of Lynsey's friends.
It is hard to find things with names on them when you have an unusual name.
 Lynsey picked the fabric
 The inside fabric is a pale green fly fabric...I made the pocket from this cute fussy cut.
 Six year old Dylan's first ever outing with a friend.  They went to Carowinds and had a great time.
And so it goes...and now...
The rant:
My surgery is scheduled for Monday, June 13.
I became so frightened of doing it without my dear man, that I got bronchitis from the stress.
Jeeze Louize...
Here I sit, head  under the pillow..not handling things well.

The children were so happy to see Daddy.He always gives them 100% playtime..
Now they are worried and distraught because he fell and hurt himself at the park..
Lynsey asked me yesterday if I could die from my bronchitis..
They are still fragile.
Grief doesn't end.

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Bring on More Good Stuff

The day at the beach that I got the flat tire in the driveway and cried like someone had died..OMG
After AAA came, my besties ...all 6 of them, made plugging the tire a family affair.
The 7 of us showed up at the station in two cars, the tire was fixed in a flash, then it was thrift shop time.
I found this awesome basket.
 Voila, this fake jadite butter dish to match my kitchen
 Work done on the retreat...zippy give to say thanks or feel better.
coin purse tutorial
 All done and ready to give is the "I Spy" quilt.
 I made these bags for thank you presents for teachers and more.
Already sent the rest in to the teachers..forgot the pix..(:
drawstring bag tute
I had done all the cutting at home, making the sewing so relaxing.
And my sweet grandboy, Evan had wound all the bobbins for me!!
A big thanks to Aunt Brandy for taking the kids on their own family beach vacation,
letting me be free to have mine.
Yesterday, I survived our 36th wedding anniversary with a little help from a friend at lunch.
Today brunched with my girl
Even in grief, life is sweet.