Tonight I refuse to obsess about purples. You see my life's work as a family therapist has taught me that grief is full of anger. Anger displaced on other things. Anger that is irrational. I know that the grief process is not under control of mortals like me and I know that everyone grieves differently. Ha ha...says I, in the desperation of trying to be in control of something!!! And, I cannot even control my purples. Do I philosophize and decide that I am angry with my purples for disappearing, or do I just get on with it.
My decision tonight is a good one, in MHO.
Tonight I finished reading two books...finally!!!
Learning to Fall is a book written by a man with ALS...It is a philosophy on life As he struggles to stay in the moment and not project an unpleasant future, he says, "I want my eternal life now, before it is over with". Good one!! So do I.
The other book I just finished is, The Anatomy of Hope: How People Prevail in the Face of Illness.
This was a fascinating book for my field...but I no longer have my business. I am retired. Instead of the therapist, I am the client..not by any choice of mine.
Both of these books are excellent for the detached reader. But, for the intimately involved, the hindrance is an emotional attachment.
And so, it took me forever and forever to finish these books.
Now, I am going to now be my own client. I am going to read light novels and quilting magazines, clearing my brain and my heart for what is now and what is to come.
So hard for me to make the switch. The idea of Thelma smiling in the cracker aisle will help. Why read so seriously?? I can control nothing, so I might as well laugh and enjoy and sew.
So hard for me to make the switch. The idea of Thelma smiling in the cracker aisle will help. Why read so seriously?? I can control nothing, so I might as well laugh and enjoy and sew.
Therefore, I have just finished chopping all the purples that I selected into five inch charms...whack, whack...mmmm
Serenity!!!!
Like I said, I seem to be able to control Nothing!!!
Thanks for this post.....I sliced up a quilt today, all the while knowing it was the anger of my grief. Thanks for your words of wisdom.....I often think of you.
ReplyDeleteWith all you are going through I am glad you want to do fun things. You are very very special person.
ReplyDeleteFollowing your path as you are, in public for all to see, support, learn from, has to be a great help to yourself. I'm sure you are also helping others who are on similar paths. I hope you can find value in that.
ReplyDeleteSomething joyful with your purples can be your touch stone, don't give up on them.
Be well.
Thinking of you as always. How purple prevails...
ReplyDeleteThe intimacy is the gift, the sacred, the purpose, the reason...or so I tell myself. I absolutely love the way you write and will be following along. A dear friend forwarded me the link to your blog, she knows me well....and apparently has enjoyed you very much.
ReplyDeleteSmiles,
Kelly
PS, I too used to be the therapist and now, reluctantly as well, have become the client....it is a gift when I choose to receive it instead of attempt to control it.
I am reading and reading and reading. And I am learning so very much from you, from your husband's disease process, and from what you learn from the support group. And now about anger. Well, of course it is. But I needed to see this is writing. I've delt with so many family members who go there big time after the deaths of our mom and dad after we took care of them at home for so many years. Oh, what a challenge life is, but it the dying that is so much harder and all that follows it. I love you woman. Hang in there.
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