Thursday, October 29, 2015

Sad Sack Sally and her Fabric Stash


My sister wants to throw out these vintage tablecloths...I took them instead into my stash.
Good idea for a backing???
Today my Valium came.
 My Oxycontin came too..and it is not even a controlled substance.
 And, here is my Xanax .
 If you do not sew and you are not six months a widow...well???
Maybe you cannot understand why I need these pretty meds.
In the grip here of perception deception.
I will not allow this to disrupt my day....  I will not, I will not.
I will accept my fragile state for what it is, and let go of hurt.
And, when grief engulfs me and I feel friendless...as people all go on with their own busy lives, I will not take it personally..... it is life..and I, too have done that, before my losses. 

 When folks tell me their platitudes and their religious feelings, 
I will take it for how it is meant...generosity and kindness. 

 Nothing can fill the hole in my shattered heart, nothing.

I am going to try to eat better..with less sugar and more water.
The last time I was in Weight Watchers and had lost 20 pounds, Mr. O'Quilts called. 
 I left that meeting, only to hear his stunned voice deliver the news that he had been diagnosed with ALS.
I never went back.  It reminded me of my loss.
Today  I went back and I cried.
My whole reality is gone.
I do not know who I am any more.
I feel like I am going down a deep hole...then.....
My brain kicks in TBTG and tells me to get a grip.
We have a long line of strong women in our family.
God help me to be one of them.
at

7 comments:

  1. CatherineOctober 30, 2015 at 7:21 AM

    Hi Diane. Cry. Don`t fight your tears. Tears release pain and tension. Friends telling me "he`s in a better place" isn`t helpful but they are doing the best they can. It`s hard watching the world move on. The first year is so darn hard. Prayer helps me. Talking to a grief counselor can be very helpful too.

    Now on to your tablecloths. Vintage red dyes bleed. I soak linens in white vinegar and water to set the dyes. It helps. I never tried a color catcher in my vintage fabrics. Sometimes the cloth looks strong but upon examination you may find a weak spot. A small weak area will grow. I would not use mine for backing. I`m sure someone with more experience will stop by and give you good advice.

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  2. MaryOctober 30, 2015 at 7:46 AM

    Rest assured you are not friendless and you are strong.

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  3. Carol SwiftOctober 30, 2015 at 8:44 AM

    Those are some of the best "drugs" ever with beautiful colors and designs! I hope they fill a few moments of your day with some smiles. I'm so sorry for your loss and the struggles you face daily.

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  4. Exuberantcolor/Wanda S HansonOctober 30, 2015 at 12:36 PM

    Reinventing yourself is part of the process. You are no long half (of a couple) you are a whole and you will make it. You have to get used to the "new" you and it takes time.

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  5. http://thankfullga447October 31, 2015 at 5:29 AM

    You need to grieve, I have one of those medications and it is very helpful.

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  6. DebbyOctober 31, 2015 at 11:38 AM

    Oh I sew love your medication!!! I think you are being to hard on yourself!!!! You have had so many losses in a short period of time, add to that a house full of grandbabies. I really don't know how you do it all. Be kind to yourself, give your body and heart time to heal, eat more chocolate, and take more medication :)

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  7. RachaeldaisyOctober 31, 2015 at 3:49 PM

    It must just feel impossible sometimes. Be kind to yourself. Lots of love and hugs to you!

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