Just Life

The quilt that never was...Voila..a "historical quilt" with the date 2012 on it.

It is historical all right, since it is now 2016.  I just love it on my wall so I never finished it..

It is a UFO..one of a trillion that I have.

Our Lynsey in cooking lessons from Ms Stephanie...

Mashing potatoes for dinner in her fancy dress choice for picture day!!!

Evan doing his keyboarding homework...such a guy!!

Dylan is sick...Please not pneumonia and strep...pls..

And thank you to my DIL for knowing me so well
She sent this pix from her beach trip!!

Yesterday, I sat in my car by this park in my neighborhood.
I used to take my mother here to have a taco and talk.
We had many a laugh...in spite of her advanced Parkinson's
She was always ready for an outing.
The staff where she lived would lift her into my van.
 We would drive thru Taco Bell for our tacos.
We would laugh and cry and eat...kind of..She did have a hard time swallowing.
And then we would go back to her Assisted Living place where the staff would lift her back into the wheelchair.
Yesterday, I sat here and cried...missing her so..
Missing her wisdom and her sense of humor and her will to carry on.

I know you are tired of my grief stuff.
I just want you to know that it is everlasting.
The mistakes I made before my losses....
I, too, thought by this time it might be so much better for folks.
I was wrong!!!
I pray for forgiveness if I misunderstood any one's grief, before I really knew..
17 months a widow and tears still hang on my lashes every single day.
I sleep too much, I drink too much, I eat too much, I cry too much.
I am back on the fabric sale pages for therapy..
And...and....now...I am at the shelter getting kittens...Lord help me...
(Our new "Boo"  is upstairs in my bathroom wearing a neck protection
He is 3 months old and was neutered at the shelter this morning.

ALS tears me apart constantly.
My dear man's love sustained me.
A person does not get over a 37 year love affair so easily.
I am trying to survive...I am so grateful for all the emails and comments here that lift me up.
People who help me believe that things will be OK and I will be able to carry on.
I am, once again....waiting for the Phoenix!!
20 things we do not want to know about life

Snowballing the Layer Cake....a quilting post

Biking in the Park
This top is finished...a random part of a layer cake, snowballed
in spite of mudbrain thinking!

 Snowballing calms the busy look of the piece.

Here: a paper mache box I made from quilting wrapping paper..years ago.
With my pressed 3" corners for the snowballs.
.and my modern cell phone pix for remembering the quilt layout.

 The biggest helper of all:  our very own...Stitch!!
He is loving the cozy close feel of the green snowball corners.
He is proud that the green enhances his lovely eyes.

Don't you just hate quilters who are CAT show offs????  !!!!

My ortho appt today showed that my knee replacement is a brilliant success!!

It also showed a shoulder almost beyond repair...needing a total replacement pronto.
However, the doc does not want this new operation too close to the knee replacement..
Thus..he is scheduling the operation for March or April.
Kinda down in the mouth for another operation so soon...
And without my dear man..
I think the O' Quilts  might cheer ourselves with a playmate for Stitch this week...lol..
It should be a fun outing with three children vying for which new cat to select at the shelter.
Crazy Grandma!!!

Being Happy...My Choice Tonight

My girl ate in a cute cafe where fabric was used as napkin rolls...LOVE

Yesterday, I ventured to a professional workshop for the first time in a few years.
Look what I made while listening..and earning my 4 continuing educational credits!!!!

I ordered the papers online at some site I forgot.
Started making them to sew at doctors' visits with my man, when he was suffering from ALS..!!
Now I carry them with me always...So pleased with myself
I even had lunch and a catch up with friends.  A very nice day.
If you are so inclined...here is Nancy Frates on ALS
It has taken me all this time to even be able to watch it.
So inspired!
I carry my hexies in my cool and awesome bag I made a few years ago from a recycled orange sack.
Love see through things with character!!!

Here is my girl again on a rainy day in the mountains.

She knows I miss her daddy...
She sent me rainbows from out west!!

You Raise Me Up
(Josh Groban went to Interlochen Arts Academy and to Carnegie Mellon,
just like my girl!!!)
Now..this comes in:
Colorado camping...A mind changing event...lol..

And so it goes...I have a free weekend...soooo happy.
Thrilled with Aunt Brandy helping Evan with his homework.
Actually just thrilled with Aunt Brandy!!
Tonight it is about being happy and sewing.
I have so many things to make and so little time..
Gotta get going now.

That Good Ol' Lemonade Thing

Grandma O'Quilts found some pretty good gratitude today:

Cranky as a bear, I sat outside.  Soon an unbelievable balmy breeze came by.

Dylan said it was Granddaddy blowing kisses....Peace sustained me....!!

Stephanie has pneumonia too...Because of that despair, my DIL came an extra day.

Tonight, she did homework, made dinner, made cookies, cheered me up and did laundry.

All without being asked...sooo great!!

I am missing the going away party tomorrow night. No babysitter.

Alas...that got me going sewing...YES!!!

A party means potholder time.

Sewing makes everything better..that...along with cookies.

 I cannot decide whether or not a gift potholder needs a hanger???

Because Zoe and Tigger are in a snit, Stitch found love somewhere else!!

Not to be left out, Zoe claimed a spot with Dylan.

Tigger is outside pouting...sorry Evan...

Grandma O'Quilts with her own treat...using Riviera ware....to its potential!!

Yeah, Grandma..

Tonight the wave crests in a happier spot.

It is amazing how one can survive, without a lifeboat, on the turbulent seas.

On the road again....Aspen and Drivel...not a quilt in sight

The hike to Mohawk Lake...my girl...

God help me...Ok..God help us all.

Lynsey still sick with pneumonia..Stephanie still out sick..

Last night, Dylan threw a fit and threw his I-pad...

The screen cracked, then the 6 year old cracked.

Then I cracked.

Evan cries at middle school homework.

Grandma cries at middle school homework.

My dear man never came back home.

My mind knows this.

My heart breaks and breaks and breaks.

I need a good week alone in my own house for respite.

That will never happen.

I cannot find myself.

I am looking in the scrap bins..no luck.
Of course, the minute the children leave, I cry.

I think I want Mohawk lake!!!

New kitty, "Stitch" wants to be friends with Tigger and Zoe.

No way, Jose....Oh, well...

I walk around my house like a zombie.  Doing nothing but napping.

When I awake, nothing has changed.
I have not sewn in days.

Heroin overdoses are everywhere.  My DIL has been to several funerals.

My son has to stand on the side of the road with a sign for money.

When he gets enough for a Heroin hit, then he can come visit his children.

Otherwise, he will go into withdrawal and be sick when he gets here.

What kind of life is that?

My girl is climbing mountains in Aspen.
She and her man are camping on top.

Life is good.  TBTG she texts me often.  She is my lifeline. 

I am too overwhelmed.
DIL has done her best to help.  Gratitude!

Guess I have to note that month 17 is not the greatest.
In the second year of grief...reality hits...with a big R...hate it.
Sooo, with Lynsey home still again today...
We went out to ice cream for lunch.
We WILL have a good day...
Way to go Grandma O'Quilts!!!!

A Stitch in Time....Memories

Missing my mother ...Shown here at her book signing..

 Lynsey told me that she needs to sleep at the foot of her bed.
She said that doing the ABC on her quilt helps her sleep...Love...

 "X" quilt I made for my sister's birthday years ago.

My dear girl has left her WWOOF farm and  moved on...

With her music degree from Carnegie Mellon tucked in a drawer someplace,
she now knows she could be a farmer...!!!   Evidently spotted hens are cuddly

Dylan is playing cards with Lynsey...Crazy Eights...Oh, excuse me!!
Dylan and Stitch are playing cards.

 O'Quilts news:  A somewhat successful visit with their daddy today.
Between my sister and my DIL watching the children..I slept all weekend.
Why???   I do not know... Where is my sewing?  Nowhere to be found...

Lynsey has pneumonia and I am afraid that Stephanie does too...
I told her to stay in bed in the manana.
Tomorrow I will spend $700 to have a dead pine tree cut down.
 Hancock of Paducah and Equilter both asked for that money, but????
It is very hard to be a responsible grandmother!!!!!

I have gained all my weight back...now I waddle like other old ladies...
at least my one new knee is perfect.

 Tigger took over the sewing room basket the minute Pumpkin died...now...
Tigger is afraid of Stitch..and look who wins...

 Please...these are potholders...No One wants a cat sleeping on their potholder to be.

As I wish I could do more.  As I am exhausted from doing what I do.
I try to remember this:

Life as we know it changes in a second.
Gotta keep living the life we have left
I would like to believe that that means...going to the grocery store...
AND, buying buy two, get three free ice cream half gallons...
xxoo

Excitement at the O'Quilts

Our family would like to introduce you to Stitch O'Quilts, four months old.

He comes from the County shelter...
He is neutered, micro-chipped, vaccinated, licensed and adorable.

When I went to pay the $80 fee, they said that the cats are free right now because they have too many of them. ooo la la...

So..of course, I said I would take two..but the lady controlled me..ha!!
  She said no..in the sweetest of ways. Ms Stephanie was relieved!!!!

I forgot how wild kittens can be...He is now sleeping in my bathroom...lol

Can you believe that the cat's real name at the shelter was "Stitch"

He was meant to be ours..
 And no one told us he could not go outside..it was just a suggestion.

Now, the report on my girl out West:.

She just called with tales from Wwoof...
Today, she helped the local sheriff corral a herd of Yaks that had escaped from the farm.
  She fed the farm animals, she pulled weeds.
 Last night she made her special soup for the group.
She held the young llama for its teeth to be shaved...Oh..that is my girl!!!!
Now this is the owner of the llama...no pix of my girl holding the llama..
.but she survived it and so did the llama.
Just got a call from Emily...Did I know that she was in Rattlesnake country???
Good thing this mama does not worry..ha ha ha ha ha

Today's sit and sew was full of excitement and potholders and holiday making..good food and best friends.
So nice to report a very good day.
A big thank you to all of your for your support of my crazy ways.

A Finish, my Revival and then...Addiction

My Black Glory still needs snipping and washing.
I wanted to start this post with a HAPPY!!

I am better!!  Sunday was truly the revival day...grief wave passed..TBTG
Voila ...a very good report.
My girl is on her way to spend a week working at:

Wwoof USA
I am so proud of her...stay tuned!!
She lifted me up with texts of her travels...lol
I am so happy.

My DIL helped lift me out of my black hole with her own story of recovery.
She says that AA/NA are action programs, not word programs.
(Evidently my son is all about the word part)

My DIL gave me permission to share her story.
She started using at age 12.
Her mother was an addict, her grandmother was an addict and her grandfather was a dealer.
She has been an addict for almost 20 years..yet she is now an addict in recovery.
She is 2.5 years clean. In the world of addiction, this is a miracle.
The general statistics are 5%..Five percent make it to 30 days, 5% of those make it to one year, 5% of those make it to two years.  Past that it is better...but not so much. (Spiritual River)
Every site had different stats, but this one was the clearest and prob the most accurate.
My son has been in 18 treatment programs and is still using.
 In those grim statistics, my DIL shines....for now that is...
Science is now finding out that addiction is a chronic relapse disease..
 I think it is worse than cancer...
With  cancer at least, the neighbor brings you a chocolate pie...
In the 20 years my son has been an addict,
 no one has brought me a pie to ease my broken soul..
When I was so afraid of still another loss if my son overdosed, she reminded me
that no one can fix an addict if they do not want sobriety, words aside.
As usual...I can control nothing.

She found recovery after sleeping cold on the streets, going in and out of detox and calling while high, 3 times a day for a treatment bed.  The minute that a bed came open, she went into treatment, then a halfway house, meetings 5 times a week, sponsorship and all.
 Now she has many friends including herself.
  In the next week or so she is going to the beach for an AA conference with her friends.
 She deserves this big time.  Hear the word Proud??

Today has been a lovely day...so glad that ugly grief wave subsided.
BTW, gratitude is not possible while in a black hole.
Then it is all about survival.
Once up and out...it is all about gratitude..
We all walk in shoes that fit no one else..
Thank God for friends who just listen.
The Day I'll Finally Stop Grieving

Stuff and a maudlin rant...no quilting...just delete...

Even my exciting new purchases could not fix tonight...maybe manana...

Just FYI...I oppose the current trending of:

 "How to Life with Less Stuff"

I love my stuff!!!

Fabric stuffed everywhere.

Fabric collected and loved and petted for 50 some years..

Fabric of all colors and designs.

Fabric in big pieces and small pieces.

Fabric bought online, saved from clothes, bought in stores, bought from thrift stores.

Fabric used for quilts and pillowcases and potholders and presents for teachers....
 and quilts for sad folks.

Fabric used in therapy...for me and for others.

So there!!

Just sayin'.....

 Just got sentimental a bit...this hour of the night, you know....
When I Go
That, and death talk today at our Sit-and Sew  and my call to my homeless son,
have put me over the edge.
Me thinks that there is too too too much upon my plate.
Dizziness and cognitive distortion once more
 as I ready this grandma's self for a very early bed.
It is amazing how the defense mechanisms dole out realities in measured portions.
Today I came to the horrible realization that my dear man will never be here again.
That my 37 year love affair is gone.
Tonight I feel erased and in decline.
No use saying how lucky I was, for in this black hole, I cannot find gratitude.
I can only hold on for survival.
Tonight my son insists  he desperately wants sobriety.
He said that sleeping on the sidewalk is messing with his mind.
He said that he needs help and a place to stay.
OMG!  I have the children here...I cannot help.
I told him to check into treatment.
He says that there are no beds.
I cannot bear the thought of another loss if he overdoses..
I am a mess.
Funny...the only things my friends can do is to listen with love...no fix for this one.
I am so grateful for my friends.
The only thing that helps me is to talk it out and to sew....and just maybe tonight...
To Bed!!!!

 Of..course...12 year old Tigger loves me anyway.
.despite the cancer growing on his nose!
He is faithful:)

The Happies Will Do it...

Wow...look what I found.
 I usually do not buy pre-cuts unless I am under stress...
Ha ha ha...I think I must have tons of them by now.
Motivated by my blogging friends, I went looking for something to put on my design wall.
Voila!!!...trying to decide if I should snowball them or leave them like this.

Today was lovely.  I read one of Katie's books outside.
 Thank  you Hermine for the nice weather.

The children collected small lizards..They had fun letting the blue ones "bite" them.

Evan and his friends went to the creek to pan for gold.  

It was great fun, but no gold.

No one is fighting..............yet!

Since Emily is not here, Lynsey stepped up to the plate organizing:
 Lynsey Lou's Cafe.

Today, the feature was...
 Cool Whip and jam sandwiches accompanied by tea of Mint, Basil and Rosemary.

Here is the chef:

Herbs clipped by Herself from the front yard.

 Eggs being chopped for who knows what..

The new restaurant chef realizes how important she is.
She feels that her job is to cook and look pretty.
The other chores go to the male of the species!!
Namely, her six year old brother, Dylan!!

My girl is texting me the fun she is having...
First fun stop:  Sand dunes in Colorado Springs.
Gives me the happies...!!

My DIL just left...she sent me this link:

  Mended

And so it goes, my love...you are always on my mind
xxoo

The Leaving and the Longing

Once in awhile Equilter has a survey which gives you $10 of free money.  I added another $10 and got this lovely surprise today. Uplifting!!!

 
I found this sparkly copper clear vinyl on this blog, Charm About You
No where to be found in dear USA.  So..I asked Cousin Ann to get in for me in England.
to save the $40 postage...jeeze louize...
I asked her to give it to Uncle Brendan to bring when he came to visit.
Voila...she mailed it anyway.  I cannot wait to make pretty pouches with it.
Cousin Ann...you are some wonderful quilting relative.!!
 The London Muldoon connection comes through!!

I went to a funeral yesterday.

At my age, I have already...a funeral outfit...sitting ready to wear on occasions like this.

I did not cry.

I used the service to contemplate how I could change for the better..

in order to be more like the man who died.

I thought a lot about the celebration of life.

Then I went out to lunch...and laughed with my friends.

Raining all day...I mean all day..perfect for a hurricane and funeral...
We have a huge drought in North Carolina...solid dry earth plus huge 24 hour rain storm equals floods..

My girl and her man have emptied their apt of several years.

Belongings are in their storage unit.

They stayed with me last night.
At 7;15 this morning they were off on their adventure...from NC.
They have already crossed the Tennessee line and the Kentucky one too.
When I cried, the grands all hugged me. They are now used to cry-baby Grandma.

This adventure signifies Emily's moving on ...
after the two years of taking care of my dear man and her dear daddy.

It feels like another loss for me......but, 

I am excited for her...another kind of celebration of life.
The day is stunning today after the rain of Hermine...

He made everyone breakfast at 6:30 am.

Kids thought they could stow away and get away with it..

Bye...bye...

Cry, cry, cry...silly Grandma...

Grief affects us all in different ways.
 Stephanie and the kids found a rock for us all to sign to remember Pumpkin, our dear 16 year old cat.
 They put it outside in the garden.  Pumpkin used to sleep with Lynsey.
Now, I noticed that she has made a memorial with stones and cars and an angel doll..
That  7 year old Lynsey certainly knows how to express her grief!!

I thought that out to Chinese food with my widow group would help me..
Silly me...I cried there too...