Monday, October 5, 2015

The Cleansing

 See Mrs. O'Quilts fold her fabric.
Cousin Ann is coming and I so wanted her to think I was normal!!
Alas, I will not finish my organizing, so she will see the real thing.
So cannot do my!!!
Greens are so many that they cannot be single stacked.
Since I throw out there all my emotional stuff...
Why am I embarrassed about my messy, hoarding:)??

Here goes 50 years of fabric collecting
Here goes 2.5 years of therapy fabrics

The bottom three pictures are in the "bonus" room
This is where my office was and my dear man's hospital bed was.
I am determined to make this room my own....
Below, new office supplies..
 Christmas, Hannukah, Halloween and childrens fabric in my love's old office bookcase
 My 30's in the antique chest of drawers.
This used to be in our bedroom, now it holds sewing apparatus and the 30's fabric.

I think, Rachel is right, no matter the work of organizing.
The fabrics will get mixed up anyway...sigh

On phone an hour with Social Security today.
They have not started processing my claim.
Six months...irritating, but I handled it.

An absolutely amazing thing has happened.  I have not cried in 5 days.
After moping with the blinds closed last week, something changed.
I feel that Himself is with me now as I advocate for the children and make things happen.
We are together as the journey continues.
For today, I am grateful.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

We just love a success story!!!

Everyone loved the visitation.
Daddy helped pick out their pumpkins
Daddy played in McDonald's play area with them
Daddy was in good shape.
Visitation was an hour and it went sooo well.
Now folding the turquoises.....found some yellows in there...
Never ever again will I have someone else organize my stash.
Things have been lost forever..
Now, I will know where it all is.

 Amazing..three "normal" days...Where is this coming from???? Slept, thx to my sister taking the kids, did not cry??? My love took 22 months to die...I think I cried more during that time than I have ever ever cried in my life. Waiting for the other shoe to drop..
.Finished Widow book number 8..very helpful.
 I have decided not to count the weeks any more..just the months...
Tough times coming up with his November bday and trying to stay in the day. Maybe the antidepressants help...but then I have been on Lexipro since his diagnosis...
Maybe it is the red wine?? or the candy corn?? or the rain?? or

 Money still frightful...
Think I will just have to suck it up and be on hold for hours for social security.
One would think 6 months is enough.
..Maybe they lost something...OMG,

Really, I must have a shout out again for my sister.
She never lets me down with the kids. Ever...
She gives them such unconditional love.
With all her issues to contend with, she would inconvenience herself for them.
I could not ask for more. 
Trying now to confirm things for this upcoming weekend my sister can be part of the Cousin Ann fun.

In the Eye of the Storm

Doing better around here..
But,  I have not sewn in days...
.Just got this picture in from Oak Island.
Muggs chillin' under her sailboat quilt...
Gotta love it.
Last night before with the program and organized my oranges:)
Many an organization needed before I sleep....

Cousin Ann is coming in Wednesday night from London...
via Kansas and the Missouri Star
Surely that is the shortest route!!!!
We have big plans to celebrate her 50th, cannot wait.

Kids went to the Karate Halloween trunk or treat party tonight.
Sooo much fun.   They took their mother and my sister.
I am
  Evan and his best friend dressed alike for the Karate Halloween party!!
My loyal and dependable sister has, once again, taken Dylan for the night.
Lucky me slept in, therefore. 
I found Lynsey plugged in on the IPad watching a video on how to make cookies.
She thinks that that frosting will be better than what I make...
Oh, Lynsey.....

 My girl was in the Killarney race with her sister-in-laws....for a third she went on Saturday...
Can you believe she would like this better than sewing??
Killarney race

Last night I was getting shaky as the night hour of course I got on Equilter sales to calm myself
Be so proud...I did not push buy:)

The best wedding ever
Of course I cried..I used to have this kind of love....
Mr. O'Quilts' roses at  night.
 The children are supposed to meet up for a visitation with their father today at McDonalds.
Keeping my fingers crossed that it goes well.
Stephanie said that she was coming with me.
She said that I needed someone from the "hood".
Whatever Stephanie!!!!!!!!
Love surrounds.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

The No Picture Snivel

I hope you are never a widow.
At the assisted living facility where my mother lived...
 there were 80 women and 9 men....
So, just in case...
You can read my blog to see what it is like.
Today is 6 months a widow here.
Social Security is still not in.
I got the grandchildren off on the school bus.
Then, I went back to bed.
Why get up, she said??

Now, at 1:30, I realize that we need dinner and Stephanie will be here soon.
She will not like what she sees.
So I am off to Trader Joe's to get
their famous Oreo cookies
Why not, she said?

Monday, September 28, 2015

The View

The view from my quilting room window...

I have seen this poem a million times. 
This time, it is written for me.
"Beannacht", John ODonohue's blessing for his mother

A struggling day for me.
"No matter how you feel..
Get up, dress up, show up and never give up"

With love in my heart, I will never forget the friends who have stood beside me in my grief.
Tomorrow, 6 months a widow.
Two pieces, sharing the small design wall.
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue...
Oh....that would be for a wedding...ha ha
Got it all wrong...mud brain with a sense of


Sunday, September 27, 2015

Top of the W

Festival  in the Park
Can you imagine???  I was looking around my sewing room.
Searching in drawers for something...
Surprise came with these already assembled four patches...oooooo
Found in the bottom of a random drawer.
Jenny Doan helped me figure the plan.
I am off to the races!!
Disappearing four patch
 So quick and so fun...Missouri Star folks are way too clever!!!
  I was looking for my mat that goes round and round...but of course, I cannot find it.
Nothing will stop me now.
I need a hole punch to make a few missing sight words for Lynsey...
I only have 4 hole punches...all missing in action
...Mud brain can only find staplers...AD/HD at its best.
Two happy thoughts on helpers.
When my sister started her move on Wednesday night, she had several folks lined up to help.
My daughter-in-law and her new boyfriend were the only ones to show up.
Aunt Brandy helped Evan with his homework tonight.
No fits...TBTG..Evan saves that for me...
I am so grateful!

Gifting Saves the Day

We have new neighbors..from friends.
She was telling me that she has been here for about 18 years leaving her family behind.
She misses them.
She has her own family now...four children and a husband.
This morning, I stayed in bed until 11...once up, never opened the blinds.
Did nothing.  Felt crazy.
 I came upon an old Guatemala tablecloth I had picked up on my travels years ago.
Pays to be a see!!!!
I cut up the good parts and made some potholder/trivets for them.
The runner features the national bird of Guatemala, the Quetzal.

Then I opened the blinds.
 I took the garbage out and a child's dirty sock off the table.


The purples now  have a single packed space of their own.
But, wouldn't you know, they miss the yellows and are complaining about the oranges.
Just cannot win sometimes.!!!
My sister and Dylan have a very special relationship.
They love each other totally.
Here is Dylan with Charmaine's dog, Reece.....In her new apartment
Comfy on the window seat with the Ipad and pillow and dog and quilt and love.
With all my hysterical worrying about my sister, the angels took care of it.
I could have minded my own business.
Maybe the angels will take care of my son too.
Maybe they will even take care of me.
Nothing in my long experienced life or my mental health work could possibly have prepared me for the loss of my husband...nothing...nothing...nothing.

Zoe and I are going to sit on the screened in porch now and talk it over.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Cutting Corners, in the Rain

Putting Pumpkin to everyone else around here!!

We have had a drought in Charlotte for two months..plants all saggy, now soggy.
Now rain. Yes!! 
 If I am not outside, how do I know?? knees, my legs, my hands, my shoulder...etc.
Naproxen and Tylenol..together....have not even hit it.

Getting not much done here..but looking through old magazines.
In the July 2014 issue of Quilty, I found this pattern that uses jelly rolls.
 Last year at Faust, we all got these Jelly Rolls for about $10 good deal.
Sherry and Terri have made them up.
They are totally different...
I cut solid greens here and hope to join them with a finish.
I need something easy when I am in pain and stressed.
Someone, somewhere gave  me this article on grief.
It starts with:
Why does my body ache and feel numb at the same time?
Why can't I think straight?
Will I ever want to be anywhere but by myself in my own house?

That is exactly how I feel!!!  OMG
Maybe I am a bit normal after all:) says stage 1..shock lasts up to 12 months..Jeeze Louize
Then stage 2...a couple of years...I gave up and did not even read...stage 3.
More depressed now.

When family take the children for the weekend, it takes me the entire two days
to get energy to be more myself...I need a whole week,
That will never happen.
The children need stability,
and with Granddaddy gone.
I am it. Ta Da!!
Does anyone think office supplies are needed in a now defunct office????
Shout it out YELLOWS!!!

Friday, September 25, 2015

The totally good day Friday, Whew!!!

The supervisor!!!
The driver!!
The man!!

And off goes my sister to a new apartment in a cozy residential neighborhood.
And the angels sing..and her sister (moi) sighs with great relief!!!!
We are thanking angels of all sorts
Those above in the stars.
Those right down here on earth!!
My pit bulls and I are cozy here by the fire on a chilly autumn eve.
Zoe is thrilled with the canine company...
We are, once again...looking at yellows:)

I am moving the yellows to the other they will not have to be double stacked.
And just because I can!! And, just because I want to!!
 Really, look at the pix next to the bookshelf...My mother and grandmother are gossiping.
In that picture, my mother is 71 and my grandmother is 95.!!!!
They are probably too busy to comment on my new use of the old office
Below are my 10 finished pillowcases:)
I am putting presents into a closed closet now...cuz I can never trust someone....
not to sleep on precious stuff.  Then I have to wash it again!!!
A friend had a seizure a few weeks ago.  She fractured a few lower disks in her back.
Now,  it seems that the MRI showed a mass on one side of her brain..
A big call out for hugs and prayers for our great quilting friend!!!

We love you Rhonda!!

Thursday, September 24, 2015

The Night Owl

Look what I found amongst my Christmas fabrics.
...Something I started last year...or was it two years ago???
It seems more interesting tonight.
Total stress tonight about my sister's house closing tomorrow and all that that entails.
Not my house, I know..but....

 I have decided to organize my yellows instead of buying fabric the midnight scary hour approaches.
 I am even glancing at my basket of food fabrics thinking about potholders...just thinking....
My sister is spending the night with me tonight..
A big...even bigger shout out to my future son-in-law for saving the day at her house today. all day long..
They took out boxes and boxes.  He is an awesome organizer!!
U Haul is now full. 
My sister worries about nada...She just hums along...
I could use a little of that disposition...just a little..:)
And so another evening comes and goes...
I think I will wait up for the computer of course...

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

The Wednesday adventures of Grandma O'Quilts

Hello, my name is Grandma O'Quilts...Today there was no school. 
 I took three children for dental check ups this morning. 
 Then had to bring one back for an extraction...all the way to Mint Hill....

Hello name is Dylan and I am five.  I had a tooth pulled today and cannot wait until my very first tooth fairy experience...I am thrilled beyond belief!!

 Hello there...I am Lynsey and I am 6...I am having a scrap sorting experience...
I am learning cool colors, warm colors and neutrals.
So proud I am!!!
This afternoon Dylan and Grandma and Zoe were chillin in the yard welcoming fall...
We were thinking of our dentist,who worked all day in her crowded office on children's teeth.
She is 9 months pregnant and being induced tonight...
Like WOW!!
 Grandma treated herself by finishing 6 pillowcases..
I keep telling myself that it is only September and look what is ready for Christmas.
Last night ordered fabric I did not need from Hancock's of Paducah.
It was because I did not want to go to bed without my man.
From the outside looking in, I know it all... 
But, I am on the inside looking out.
I know nothing.

Obsessive behavior.. may look crazy to others, heck, it looks crazy to me.
Overeating chocolate, over collecting fabric, over worrying about my son,
It somehow keeps the grief at bay,. keeps the focus off the real deal.
It is my Morphine for my pain.
I miss Himself soooo!
I figure that it is my life and whatever works for me now..I will just do!!
And this is the season for atonement..Thinking about it.

 begin over
start anew
do the things
you want to do

erase trivia
overlook crass
pick yourself up
or you'll fall
on your

Alice Franzen Clemons Burt

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Good Day Sunday

Look what I am doing tonight. I am in the pillowcase spirit somehow....You know that Black Friday at JoAnn's Fabrics usually brings a huge flannel sale...from $1.46 to $1.67 a yard in most recent plus coupons...We wait until early evening when most shoppers have gone home.  Usually the store is pretty empty of shoppers by then...and we go nuts over flannel  Since tomorrow is the first day of fall,
 I am starting with the flannel pillowcases.using last year's flannel!!!
 I have six ready to sew...then I will have the kids pull them through tomorrow after school.
Such a plan.
With school in full swing, I am amazed at the difference in 100 years since I went...ha ha
Lynsey is in first grade.  She is 6 years old and all her homework is now done on the computer...OMG
My daughter's man came by tonight to set up an icon on the Ipad and computer,
 so she could do the homework.
All the homework assignments come in an email..
.Old Grandma realized that just in time tonight!!
Thank you Drenna for last years sight words laminated...yeah!! 
I am using them now for both Lynsey and Dylan:)
That God in Heaven for Katie G...without whom we would all be in homework despair.
Katie is a great friend, great tutor and now total fabric freak...yeah...(so not my fault)
Tonight I am ending my good day with a 10 pm diet dinner:
Diet popcorn with diet butter and diet red wine...
I so know how to work it!!!
I would suggest that u do not try this combination at night.
It leads to Hancock of Paducah sale page
With mucho admiring of Kaffe and Batiks
A person, in my opinion, should just go to bed...

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Hitting it Just Right

This is why I love my bottle tree....It changes with the time of day and the seasons..
.It inspires me as I view it from my sewing room.
Today I was brave.
Today I left my sewing room for a Sit and Sew at Terri's house.
It was so worth it.
Here is the crowd getting Grandma off...
You would think it was to the moon instead of 40 minutes away to Terri's house.
 Sherry drove and I relaxed, or tried to..
 I basted my grey X quilt with help in Terri's awesome studio.
....and finished 70 tissue holders for holiday gifts.
Since it is only still September, I am thrilled.
Terri made us lunch, we all caught up with each other and I had two 10 min power 
Can you imagine the hostess at  a Sit and Sew making us presents to thank us for coming.
Oh, are something else.  My new flower pincushion is the best!!!!
My sister had her moving sale today.
  She did just ok..but is grateful to be getting rid of things and moving along.
Thank you Stephanie for taking such good care of things so I could have an outing.
The Grands also enjoyed a short visit with their mother.

Very interesting article, Learning to be a Widow
I have been perusing old music on the computer..hmmm

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Cloudy on a Sunny Day

Quilt number two finished...Now I have quilted this Granny as well as...Muggs' sailboats.
Pretty good stress reduction!!!
 Just auditioning bindings here..

Going to the bank every other day due to non-stop PayPal hacking of my man's account
 even though his name is not on the bank account.
Today, I went to the bank officer, out of the blue
I just put my head on her desk and sobbed...Jeeze Louize
What in the world...Well they all ran around with tissues promising the moon, etc
But they could not bring me what I really needed.

My sister called a bit later telling me she just had a car accident in my husband's car.
It was not her fault, but her neck hurts and the young girl who hit her could not stop crying.
I can identify.
And on it goes.
Finding the good in five months a widow.
My bed...going back to bed, taking naps, sleeping..
I love my bed.
Grief is so exhausting.
My wonderful grands..Forever Young
Angels helping my sister who secured a place to live today.
TBTG, and I mean it.
Looks like she will be out of the house on the 24th and moving in that weekend.
Looks like Dylan, the five year old will have to be helping.
He said he would be happy behind the wheel of the U-Haul!!!