Monday, July 25, 2016

Camera Happy

Lordy...I am a point and shoot kind of woman!!
My broken $250 camera with lost warranty..was a hated camera.
Now, my new $100 Canon so easy....Voila...pictures.
Last night the energy came to me to sew this backing for the cuddle quilt.
I just hated to use up my zebras.
I have finally grasped that there is no trailer hitch on the hearse!!
 Halloween fabric cheers anyone!!  I want to start another Halloween quilt.
Sigh...so many flimsys to finish..so far to go.  I need 100 Sit-and-Sews to cheer me on.
Tomorrow I will get my new tennis shoes and try the tread mill..
.Ok..tomorrow I will get the shoes(:
I certainly do not want to get carried away.
I went to a wine tasting tonight with my widow's group at someone's house.
A small sip of 10 wines...Hmmm good thing Stephanie gave me an 8:30 curfew.
And, good thing my friend lives 5 minutes from my house.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

The Missing Piece..just an O'Quilt's Ramble

Ok...so broken new camera and mud brain cannot find the receipt nor the warranty...
So no pix and new camera to be bought tomorrow...a cheap one...OMG
But, Aunt Brandy to the picture rescue with this adorable quilt..from where I do not know.
Just too cute.

Moping me got a huge lift this evening... dinner out with a friend.  Mexican of course.
This friend is quite a motivational speaker...eg...get out of your recliner, walk, go to the gym, get a grip..etc..
Had to walk to the restaurant from a far away parking spot.  Really????  But I did it!!!
I keep looking for my cane of 5 years...I keep thinking I cannot walk..but I can...such a miracle.

Television has rarely been part of my style....Until I was in high school, we did not even have it.  In seventh grade I came home from school to find the broken TV on the trash heap, never to be replaced.
With two pit bulls, one lab,one German Shepherd, one alarm system, and three grandchildren....
I am rarely alone.
So....
Now-a-days..sometimes this widow just turns on Netflix and watches a silly movie.
I feel guilty.  I should be doing, not being.
  Is there not something to be cleaned or cooked or studied or sewn...
perhaps a literary book to learn from or a fabric to be cut.
New territory here as life throws me curve balls.  Trying to just do what I feel like doing.
Just trying to be...It is a whole new me!!

I saw my son today at visitation...He was in good shape..TBTG  I was so relieved.
.At least tonight I am motivated to patch a backing for the jelly roll baby quilt.
Tuesday is senior day at the shoe store...new tennis shoes then to walk...crazy..
Did you know that August is almost here????????

Thursday, July 21, 2016

The no pix, broken camera...etc...

OK...so I just could not do it...a no picture post...so I found these older  pictures....
I like them too.
Going to Target tomorrow to look at a new camera...always something.
Snowball with Grandma's embroidery.
A fun kids quilt
Just a another kids cool one..

So a story without a picture can still be a good story...right??? Of course, I just could not do it...lol
How about coming home from the pool and finding a half a dead rabbit on the porch right by the back door????
Like thank you Zoe...such a wonderful dog...500 squirrels 0 for Zoe...
But, one rabbit yes...good good Zoe...hmmmm, cough...OMG
It got better when my DIL went outside to clean it up with a shovel.
She found the rabbits head lying on a chair..wahoo..Zoe...Really???
NO kisses for you tonight!!!!

Good Grandma allowed herself to sit in her recliner and think and doze this morning after the pool exercise.
The former grandma would have felt lazy...this is the new grandma...realizing that her knee may feel great, but is still in trauma...and certainly her psyche is in trauma...so whatever...
I did it.
This evening, I took care of self with a stroll through Marshalls and a Naranon meeting with friends.
They all said that I looked younger with more energy...What did I do????
Hello...a new knee and no more chronic pain.
I had no idea it had been so bad. Normalizing chronic pain is so not good.

But good is being able to trust...for now...my DIL watching her very own children while I get my life back.
So humming along.
Kids are doing so well in the most wonderful camp in the world...Camp Mindy at the JCC.
We are indeed a lucky family.
Evan has been invited to a sleepover Saturday night and the other two are going to a movie...invited by their school teacher...Like wow!!!  
Stephanie is is coming to help out as my balance is still not so good.

This morning grief swallowed me.
Tonight I am coming to the realization that my love with Mr. O'Quilts was something that many people never have.  I am so grateful for what I had...It has framed me for this last part of my life.
While before I had thought I would have died of a broken heart...that did not happen..so was not my choice.
Tonight I realize that my man lives inside of me.
He gives me the energy to carry on and make the best of this next part.

Talk about a mood swing..  I guess that is what it takes.
My mother had told me to look deep within myself to find the core of who I was ...whether or not I called it God or not. and I would be ok...It is just taking so so so long.

I found three police officers tonight to pass out the gift cards to...Stephanie and the kids also found one.
It is so good to give thanks.
xxoo


Wednesday, July 20, 2016

The Party and the Pain

It was MP birthday party tonight at Wednesday night quilting.
 I made the family cake...with my grandmother's chocolate frosting.
  I used her little bird candle holders and her beautiful embroidered cloth that my mother and grandmother saved forever and never  used...OMG.
Happy Birthday MP

 I had no present cuz I was in quite a funk today about losing my old man.
So at 4:30 I started on this.  Made all of vinyl and laminate,
 it is perfect for MP to take out on her boat.
I finished it 45 minutes before the party because I did not leave myself enough time for mistakes..OMG
Picking stitches out of vinyl is tough going.....grrr
This is a clear vinyl window with the owls on the inside of the bag..
....figured that MP was a wise old owl by now.
 Voila.. her mother in an awesome picture book M made on Shutterfly...
I wish I could figure out how to do that for my grands...Unfortunately, it is not in my skill set...
At 99, it seems like Margaret had a million parties.
She was even right here tonight for her own daughter's party!!!
You go Margaret....
Of course, there is more......
The Second Year of Grief
I really just cannot get a grip...I keep on seeing my love in his hospital bed with his breathing mask on and the feeding tube and suction tube...all paralyzed ....
These flashbacks coming now,...at 15 months??.

TBTG I have a great therapist and great friends and family...
That the second year can be harder???

I am holding on, especially with the good knee news....
My knee quirk was just a pull of a bit of scar tissue.
It is now awesome again..
I think that I am going to make tomorrow a potholder day!!!!!
xxoo

Monday, July 18, 2016

Just so you know......

Evan and Grandma hanging out over the sewing machine...
How nice is this??
Just so you do not think I am a quilting slacker...Voila...
The first cuddle, baby quilt flimsy made from the jelly roll top created at the nursing home..


Today was the day....ripped out of my black hole by an invitation to lunch...Yummy Mexican..Since I was raised up in Arizona...just gotta love that Mexican food.
1900 Mexican Grill...on Park Rd..in Charlotte, NC
I was feeling so cocky with my new knee and no cane...that I took it further...
Yup. I went to the Sleepy Poet Antique Mall...I walked the entire thing for the first time in 5 years.
Not even tired...I did notice, however, that something felt like it ripped in my knee when I  bent it a bit...
It was sore...I iced it, once home....actually, it is still sore...
.OMG  How could I rip my perfect new knee...???
How can that happen after 5 weeks???????
Should I freak out???   After all....that is my style...lol
I am freaking out!!!


I bought a gift for a friend.
I found a piece of vintage fabric...4 yards for $6.50...
35 inches wide..now that is vintage for sure...
And I bought two necklaces.
 They are not vintage...but since this is the first time in over 3 years that I actually am starting to care about how I look...I felt that was success.

A good day..now freaking out more about my knee...

Saturday, July 16, 2016

"Grandma" is a grown-up name!

I cannot do it, said the whiner...I have a bad shoulder.
But do it, she did...shoulder and all.
I covered my ironing board with fresh new fabric from IKEA!!
Duct tape is my favorite wonder tape!!
 I love this..!!
Here are the all done potluck covers...
Thanks to my Wednesday night group who pulled thru all the elastics!!!!
Here I am...alone for the weekend...being a grown-up!
Yup...went to the library and looked for an hour thru some quilting books.
It was quiet and I had a beautiful view!
Also, I walked in without a cane...did so fine...
Went to visit two friends at their shops..
Uplifting!
Came home with so much energy.
Went to my meeting in the rain...but used my cane..
Good Grandma!!
Big, bad thunderstorms...
I am having a surprisingly hard time with grief lately.
I just see my love everywhere...missing him with despair!!!
Proud of grown up Grandma..getting out of the house and
just getting things done!!!

Thursday, July 14, 2016

What you need to know,.... and Mor'......

Today is 15 months a widow...so hard to believe.

Free sandwich day at Chick-Fil-A... If you dress like a cow, you get a free lunch.
Ms Stephanie took the kids 
They took their black Karate shirts and pinned white paper spots...Yeah creative Stephanie!!!


A lovely piece from the blog of Michele Bilyeu
We were made for these times

and a funny....
It has been Lonely in the Saddle since my Horse Died

I have been to the pool 3x this week...Oh, yeah...Grandma...!!!
Knee getting better every day.
Crazy grief still hangs here at the O'Quilt's house.
Shows itself at night in sobs.
Oh, Mr. O...Why did you leave me so???

My girl left yesterday for a much needed two week vacation to see her husband's family.
Grands are just loving loving Camp Mindy at the J.
I love Camp Mindy too!!!

Then of course...there would be more:

We had a family meeting to discuss police officers and the race issue in our country.
We discussed all the different sides and that most police officers are nice..Police of all colors are nice...mostly. They  make very little money and put their lives on the line to protect us.  I had bought the 10 $5 gift cards to randomly give to police when we saw them..and say, according to the children,
 "Thank you for being a nice cop".
Then I asked them if they thought police officers were good or bad.
OMG...Grandma walked right into that one.
Evan and Lynsey put their hands over their ears and said NO...Evan did not want to talk about police.
Trauma from the past when they lived with their parents came swishing in...
Police arrested Mommy and Daddy.
No...Mommy and Daddy did nothing wrong...OMG
Lynsey cried., Evan was about to.
When I first took guardianship of the children, they use to scream..."duck" when a police car came by.
.  Discussion...can we love someone who makes bad choices.?..
They would not take their hands off their ears.
Lynsey and Evan have agreed to go back to trauma therapy.
Dylan is too young...he missed it all.
They love their parents so much...but...
Mommy misses visitation because of work and sickness.
Daddy is living homeless in the woods shooting up Heroin and holding a sign.

The very very good news is that the Muldoon family has a wonderful support system.!!!!
The children agreed to give the cards out to cops
..Ms Stephanie has some in her purse and so do I.
We are all waiting for the chance.
Since Chick-Fil-A gives a 50% discount to police...it should work out.

Now if I could just get off this computer and sew...I would feel better...lol































































































'

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Happy and More

Lookie, lookie says the cookie....
You will soooo love this link!!!!
Friends Furever
Here is the jelly roll top I made in the rehab nursing home, while on Hydrocodone...See..
With a bit of fabric and a sewing machine....I can be forever free...!!
A bag of 2.5 inch strips...all used up.  I think I will have to cut this top into three quilts tops...
Will try to get some help from my Wednesday night group!!  LOL
What do you all think?
 Made in the Nursing home as well....potholders...!!!!  My meditation:)
Today I walked to the end of my street for the first time in 3 years.
Today I went to Hancock Fabric's going out of business sale..
Nothing to buy...but I had to blow a kiss of remembrance and use my new knee.
Today I did not cry.
Today was almost 100 degrees.  It did not stop Ms Stephanie from taking the children to the
neighborhood picnic.
Soon, I am going to my Naranon meeting for the first time in a month.
Today, I drove twice with no dizzy!
Tonight the grands's mother...pretty and clean and sober almost two and a half years. is the babysitter..
Bring it on...Bring on a pretty good day now...
Maybe I will even get some $5 gift cards from Chic-fil-A to hand out to police officers that I see.
Where would we be without them...Just a few bad apples making the news and a million good ones to keep us safe.  They earn nothing...nada.. It touched me that the Dallas police chief said that most days police are not uplifted.
Tonight I will continue to clean my sewing table..
Gratitude!!
Here I am Lord

Thursday, July 7, 2016

The Rose

Just a few bowl covers without the elastic yet!!


Please tell me why the great success of my knee surgery brings
a huge wave of grief....This is how it goes:
"Honey...Guess what?...I can walk now...Take my hand and let's do
all those things we wanted to do in retirement...Oh!! Too late!!
You are dead...stolen by ALS!

Just remember, in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed, that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.

Time to Say Goodbye
Lyrics to Time to Say Goodbye

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

CELEBRATE

Celebrate
..I saw my beloved knee surgeon today....Our very own, Dr. McCoy at OrthoCarolina...OMG.
.I was released for driving.
I was released from physical therapy.
No more..Hydrocodone!!!  No more Iron supplements.
I am encouraged back to my water classes when wedding wound has healed...next week is promised...
My knee is ..amazing...X-ray looks perfect...
I am taller, standing up straighter...only mild aching as I stand up.

I saw the PA...but insisted on seeing my doctor, the hero...just for a hug..
.I am so thrilled..It seems like just yesterday, I was screaming in pain and impatient. 
 I give all the credit to the physical therapists at the Pavilion nursing home...where for 10 days, they made me scream and cry as they walked me and twisted me and iced me...
Yesterday's horror equals today's joy.
..And, it is just 3 weeks and 2 days...
Everyone told me...but I just could not see it!!!!

Thank you all so much for listening to the whine and giving me support.
Celebrated with lunch at Tupelo Honey with my girl.
Tonight my Wednesday night quilting group applauded my success...
Of course, cookies were part of it!!

I hate my camera...ugh..out of focus...maybe the operator???
I made two potluck bowl covers for Muggs.
Last night I had a Hydrocodone induced panic attack at a restaurant.
Muggs came to the rescue...She deserves the world.
xxoo

Monday, July 4, 2016

A Red, White and Blue..Miracle Day

Happy Fourth of July
Today was full of miracles...
My daughter and her man are the best!!
A holiday with out my dear man...it crept up on me.
It beached me.
My daughter took the kids for awhile and I went back to bed.
When I awoke, the place was alive.
Red, white and blue...food and fireworks...all ready for a feast.
She showed me big time that I still have family left and family that really cares.
The cook here making eyes!!!
 The napkins and plates Lynsey insisted on...She was afraid that I would forget the today was the Fourth of July...Guess she thought knee pain equaled brain pain..
They brought a pool for the kids.
 Ha Ha...on sale cuz the store is putting out school supplies..
OMG, really???
The children adore Uncle Brian!!! 
 Everyone wanted to be first..Uncle Brian made up silly games.
Who can hop the most on one foot????
Who is the first to kiss the cement???  OMG..
 My daughter and her man..did it all...After, they cleaned up and she packed the children's bags for camp.
I could not be happier..How love can just change it all around..
Gratitude.
My surgery deal is getting better every single day..I am exactly 3 weeks post surgery today!!
The pain has lessened 70%...seemingly overnight!!
I can walk 200 steps up and down Fintan's wheelchair ramp, pain free and without a cane...just using the railings.
I still have to use 3 or 4 Hydrocodone a day to manage, but at least it manages and it is down from every four hours around the clock.
The only struggle is getting up and down from a sitting position..
Amazing miracles...
Now I am going to sew my pot luck covers and chill.
Love....Granddaddy watching over all of us with love!

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Hello July and the middle of summer...

I think that cheddar goes perfectly with my whine!!!
Don't you???

Did I tell you that the night before I came home from rehab..,
 I was so excited that I could not sleep a wink all night...
Just like a child the night before Christmas..!! 
 I found myself at 3 am, sitting up in bed ordering fabric on Craftsy and Fabric.com....
Oh, I know that I no longer like Fabric.com..but that night it did not matter at all..!!!!
I figured that a sale is a sale is a sale!!!!
TBTG for PayPal...as I had no purse in the nursing home!!!

As I read this article, Knee Replacement Recovery, I am glad I bought the fabric.
And, I just might want to get more whenever I feel like it, Durnit!
Because, once home, somehow, I felt I would be better...Oh, I am in spirit, but I had hoped for more.
Forever expecting more than I should...I did not like the three Ps!!!!!
(Pain, Physical Therapy, Patience)
I felt, at 2 weeks out, I had suffered enough...so fell into despair.
Then, she said that the main necessity was a dear husband.
Trying to figure out what kind of whine goes best with Hydrocodone!!!!!!!!!!

And so it goes...on and on..I am walking much better than the 6 years I have been disabled before...but Pain...ugh...I have decided that getting fabric that I do not need, but love so much...is healthier than adding even more pounds with M&M therapy!!!
Emily and Brian have taken the little ones to the pool and Evan has gone off for some fun with the neighbor boy...My goal for today beside popping pain meds and nodding off...is to cut out some fabric for the
Potluck bowl covers
These are so easy and fun to make.  So useful.  I use mine all the time and love to give them away...gotta get busy...whining is getting so yesterday!!!!
These are some of the fabrics I will use for the bowl covers..so lovely!!
As I cannot drive yet, Emily took me to a dinner at a friend's house on Thursday night.
Beating the clock to finish...her..now not in focus..grrr..potholder..
The fun part of making potholders..is the custom look..She loves cats, used to ride a motorcycle, is a school teacher...eg..school busses...
and....for some reason likes chipmunks..
Did I tell you how therapeutic blogging is???
xxoo

Sunday, June 26, 2016

The Kneed to Survive

I am HOME!!!!
10 Days in a rehab nursing facility.
How to survive...lessons...
Make your room in the nursing room look like home...kinda...!!
Have someone bring in your travel sewing machine to keep your mind off of the dementia patient screaming away down the hall.....and off of your own pains...both physical and mental
  Invite your friends over to the facility to celebrate their 99th birthday!!
Laugh and laugh and eat cake.!!    Chocolate Cake!!!!
 
 Celebrate the friends you have....with the awesome sense of humor!!
The gift close to my heart....Chocolate!!!!
Alas, the package had been slashed and Granola replaced M&Ms...
When I went for the sugar....ha ha ha...
You call that funny!!!! ??????

Have a friend you can text at 5 am who cares and understands.
Have a friend who calls you from Miami to give a hug by phone.
Have the most awesome daughter ever ever ever!!!
Have a friend to bring you dinner on the day you get home.

Cry and cry and cry until the tears can no longer distinguish which pain they are addressing...
the knee, the man, the mother or the son...
And so it goes..I am home today...in an empty house...celebrated by peace and quiet, pain and fatigue..
I have walked thru the fire...coming out the other side, a better person.
Met some awesome new professional friends at the facility.
Gave them all a zippy purse of gratitude with a shiny penny inside for good luck.
Participated in firing that horrible nurse...
Whew...!!
Life is still a beautiful thing.  xoxo

Friday, June 24, 2016

The Big Dose or News from the Nursing Home

Every night
She is screaming loudly for her mother. And for her son "Mama, Joe...Where are you?"  She is in her 80's. Her Mama is surely well gone as is this lady's mind.  I drown out her crying with the the hum of my little blue sewing machine.  It is all set up in my rehab room in order to save my soul. My daughter brought the. Small machine along with a bag of random 2.5 inch scraps.   A jelly roll seemed like the easiest non thinking project for my rehabilitation , don't you think??..

The excruciating knee surgery pain has subsided. Tbtg and I am slowly starting to heal,, slowly..I said!!
What has kept me longer has been the wound I sustained at the wedding. Can u believe that.???
A wound doctor was called in to debreed. The 7 week old wound. I will have to follow up with when I am discharged. Omg. Still another thing.
From the other night came
The wearing thin of this nursing home. I am not my own keeper. The nurse told me that she brings fresh water around at 5:30 am.  It was 8pm at the time of my request.  I asked her to be sure to bring my pain meds at 2am even if I was asleep.  No mam, was the answer. You are not in pain, if you are asleep. It is now 3:15 am. 30 minutes into my pain medication request of pain medication scheduled
for 2....
I am in pain.
 The nurse,s. Answer:  Sometimes a pill doesn't fix it ,you just have to work through it.  I said maybe the head nurse can help us out. She said. I am the head nurse. 
And so it goes on the rehab ward of the brand new, high end Pavillion at Brightmore in Charlotte,NC

I had planned on a. Visitor tonight at 6. When it was cancelled, I was not lonely.  For in wheeled Ms A ,  thinking that my room may be cozier than her own
My Knee pain and I are saying the serenity prayer as we continue to wait for Hydrocodone that was scheduled  .forever ago. 1.hope it comes with prune juice as all of this  is. royal pain in the patoot,!
I have brought with me the quilt that I made from the Mr s shirts. I sleep under that at night to keep me safe. I miss him so. Some times the tears get confused and do not know which place they are coming from.

The good news is that I am going home on Sunday,!!
I am going home with Home Health for my wound and PT and OT,,,on a walker, etc
The gratitude thing....Friends. Friends. Friends.   Visits, cards, presents, emails , meals hugs and more.  LOVE
I have made new friends here...lol and unlike many here, I get to be going home
I have a small I-pad here so it is hard for me to figure out pictures and formatting. I just wanted to give you all a shoutout ....I am alive and sewing and healing
Xxxooo



Friday, June 17, 2016

An Ortho Hola


Today, My I-pad resurfaced ....lost in the drama of this past week.
Thought maybe some of you would be wonderin' just how I have navigated the way.
Here I am.  From the hospital bed, from the rehabilitation facility, from my heart.

Five days from the butcher knife slice in my broken, aged knee to the new, adventurous vinyl replacement.
It has not been easy. I have sobbed mightily as the medical profession worked to balance my pain medication.  First, I had side effects to the Morphine and OxyContin...it slowed my breathing and slurred my brain. Next the NSAIDs increased my blood pressure.   Still screaming here. Finally Hydrocodone saved the day.
All this scary stuff slowed the rehab process.  My first choice for aftercare had been coming home to Ms Stephanie and my daughter , Emily.  Now things were way too complicated.  I could not walk. I could not get to the bathroom alone. I was crying with pain.  The doctor put me on the second choice bandwagon, the Pavilion at Brightmore
With a good section of ortho-rehab.  It has taken until this afternoon for the pain to be under control.  Oy vey. I can now use the walker to go potty myself!! My OT and PT started today.  Wish me well.
With love, I will send future, pictureless updates as I can.  I probably will be here another week working away at working away.  No sewing but. I-padding the many Craftsey classes I bought and never watched, reading and being grateful for the many great people it has and is taking to keep my show on the road.  XxxOoo


.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

The Pre-Op party at my "joint"

Tonight,  my widow's group got together for my pre-op party at my house...
Really...any excuse for a party...pot luck..party at my "joint"..ha!!
So fun. Eleven people came with yummy food and laughs.
Flavored waters  shown here...Emily helped me out...
Although, I did notice that most wanted vino and not water.
Stephanie came to help with the cleaning and the kids...
But, Evan was the real hero!!  He helped so much.
Every one loved Evan.
I covered everything that looked messy ...with my quilts.. such the lazy one!!
Here is a  result of  my stress buying ...I love these fabrics so much that I doubt I will be ever able to use them.
I think it is now time for bed...16 year old Pumpkin is so tired from the party that no matter how loud I shouted, she just could not open those eyes for a picture!!!!

A big thanks for all the support and emails from you ...my dear friends.
36 hours and hopefully, the new knee will be installed.
I might just really be able to do this without my dear man....with a little help from my friends.
Ok, a lot of help from my friends.

Friday, June 10, 2016

An Addiction Post...no quilts, no pictures...only Hope

Waking Up Naked

I'm at a party when a kid asks me, 
"hey you wanna drink, bro?"
Uh, no thanks I don't drink anymore.
That's fucking lame
Motherfucker, lame, weak
Sometimes I gotta be boring
--so I'm boring.
The parties I usually go to consist of coffee and feelings.
A few times a week, we sit in a circle and try to piece our lives together.
We do not remember them so clearly.
Besides, one time when only weighing 130 pounds,
I killed a bottle of Jack Daniel's in thirty minutes.
The next morning, I woke up in the back seat of my car naked, and neck-deep in leaves.
I am allergic to alcohol.
Every time I drink, I break out in handcuffs.
I crap on the living room carpet, and then kick down a door.
To date, I put three cats on a treadmill, one dog in a cupboard.
Do not call me boring, Sir
Once, I forgot where my house was.
I was escorted by strangers, carrying fifty cookies and an umbrella, butt naked.
But, one time, I headbutted my best-friend so hard, I shattered his nose.
And, one time I took more pills that I can remember and accepted I'd be dead within the hour.
Don't you dare call me weak.
I have swallowed more pints of regret than you pump blood through your body.
Tell my father it was boring to look his only son in the eyes.and tell him that if he drank one more time,
 he would not be welcome in the house.
Tell my mother I am weak.
She failed to hold back tears, driving me home from the psych ward.
She would see her son handcuffed to an emergency room bed.
She spent four years praying for  my sobriety nightly.
You will not take this from her.
If you offer me a shot, there had better be a trigger involved.
The strongest I have ever felt, was the first time I said no to a drink.
I have said no, every morning since September 29th, 2008.
I say no eighteen times before breakfast, one for every step it takes to get from my bedroom to the fridge.
I say no ten times before work, one for every billboard that tells me I was stronger when drinking.
I have said no more times than I can count, one for every night 
my family lay awake trying not to imagine my headstone.
When you ask me the question, I do not hear the words you are saying.
I hear you ask me, "Do you want to die?"
No, I don't want to die anymore.

author unknown to me...

The Lessons

Age seven...Lynsey's first sewing lesson.
She is soooo thrilled.
She is especially thrilled because she thinks that her brother,
Evan only started learning at age 8.
And she thinks her brother, Dylan will not learn until age 9.
Two lessons, actually...one in sewing and one in giving back.
This is a "thank you " present. It is a bag to hold grocery bags.

This Monday morning, 5:30 arrival, 9:00 surgery...and I should have a new knee...
God willing!!
When I fear for my Monday morning surgery,
I forget the rest of the world and what they go through.
Beth does a great job here as she fosters her volunteer program.