Monday, May 7, 2018

Weekend sewing/ weekend pondering

Using the sparkly vinyl that Cousin Ann sent from London,
I started making bags.
I love clear bags.. as I will never find my stuff otherwise.
Queen of the mess.  Queen of confusion.!!
This bag is ready, with potholders, to bind at my next Sit and Sew.

 I have found that vinyl bags are best closed with velcro
Colored velcro in all sizes in my collection.
A little glue with some large clips..easy..so easy.
 Seems like my widow brain is still not working like I want it to.
Now, one patch in brown..making 16 patch..
Now working on purple challenge...
Now working on making bags
 or prepping children's teacher's presents for the children to sew..
Finish nothing...nothing at all.
Starting everything....sigh...
Acceptance that I have a million unfinished quilts, because
you see...I just love the journey.

I am very frustrated with myself...I asked the two youngest grands if 
they thought I would ever be younger..NO!!
But, as Lynsey said, if I were younger, I would not have the time to raise them.
Then I asked them if they thought I would ever be thinner...
Another resounding NO!! 
 Grandma...you would not be able to give good hugs if you were thinner...
Way to go kids!!

Evan has a friend spending the night..parents out of town.
Two 13 year old boys having the best time with each other.
The friend brought his personal lap top that his dad gave him.
My grand is on the computer next to him.
They are playing the same war game together.
You should hear the shouting and competing..
The new generation. having so much fun..their own way.

My grief walks with me every day.
My grief  makes others uncomfortable.
They want to fix it...
They want me to be quiet about it.
They think I should be past it.
They think that gratitude for what I do have will erase the pain of loss.
Some think they will catch it, like catching like the flu.
Some tell me what to do.
Some give me platitudes that make it worse.
Some keep showing up with love.
Some just sit beside me in acceptance.

I am working the frazzled line toward acceptance as well.
Acceptance that grief will always be with me, like
a side car on a motorcycle, or freckles on my face...
The loss of my love has shattered me...
Finding the old pieces and making new ones
in order to carry on..

Sewing and writing this blog have helped so much.
I am grateful for the friends who help carry me through the fire to find another side.
xo

4 comments:

Mystic Quilter said...

We all work in different ways, some preferring to work on only one quilt or project at a time but others, like yourself, have a few on the go to pick up however the mood takes us! I have a few projects here but find as I'm getting older too many projects in the mix bug me. Your two youngest grandchildren know the best words to make grandma happy - how wonderful! I think you cope amazingly well given all you have had to deal with Diane, grief takes it's own time!

Gisela Suski said...

Love all your projects, the bag is so so useful.

Karaquilts said...

I'm thinking that you and I are a bit alike ~ ~ okay, a lot alike. I am always getting confused in my organization process and then feel lost again. My children NEVER wanted me to lose weight (unless the daughters were dating boys who worried they too might become overweight!) because they loved the comfy hugs and cuddles my soft places provided! You're a wonderful pillow ~ ~ and what could be better than that? Smart children :)

and all of my started projects seem to have suddenly culminated in a batch of recent finishes. I usually have no idea how long they have been sitting in some stage of chaos before the finish day arrives.

Artists are emotional people ~ ~ spurred and halted by emotion. Keep moving that fabric around and someday you will have a new stack of quilts!!!

By the way, I'm watching for the purple to emerge again ~ ~ ~ ~

Michele Bilyeu said...

Love your bags!!! Love how much your grands love you.