Today has been a world weary worn kind of day.
I so realize that I am soon in the fourth quarter of my life. I do not have energy and of course no stamina at all. I miss my husband. I grieve my son's disease and with trepidation and hope that I can get better. Already I am walking better, thanks to a darling physical therapist.
When Emily visited last week, she brought fresh tomatoes from their family garden. Tonight they made the best sandwich.
Still finding things, like my man's Irish teapot, now on the stove to cheer me.
The Halloween mug- rug Lynsey gave me last year.
While the movers lost a Halloween box, I am doing the best I can.
Made some pillow covers with African fabric...Love...
My healthy DIL took my advice to make and do something that enriches her as she loves baking.
Sad me did not get one taste....but I was proud of her.
I would buy her a sewing machine in a heart beat. She is a natural....but she says she cannot fit it...not true. However, she is right about being busy with 5 kids, 3 cats, one pit bull puppy and one ferret and a job as a preschool teacher.
Once I moved, I had thought I would get better fast...I have, but I am still exhausted and worn out. What I did not realize, is that my friends would get older too. including my sister.
Sigh
A cleaning lady is coming tomorrow TBTG
I need somethings at the grocery store. I struggle to get them from the car to the apt in my far away parking spot. But I realize, there is only one of me now, I can schlepp it a little at a time...resting in between, just like other old ladies. No need for a huge shopping.
I have had friendly instructions not to eat or drink at my computer Tonight I forgot..and spilled a comfort drink on the keyboard.
I struggled and struggled to find another iron with automatic shut off. Today, two came today, one from Amazon and one from Walmart. I only remember ordering one. I guess it is too much to expect to heal my broken heart in one month. I am so grateful I am here. I love it. I love not having to worry about kids fighting and grass cutting and homework....albeit I so miss them.
Yesterday I went with my appointment card to Walgreens for my Covid booster and my flu shot.....It was so crowded, packed...Everyone was wearing a mask. I bought myself two candy bars on sale, one for each shot. Butterfinger. I do not care anymore as my movie star days are over. And, no reaction at all to either shot...unless I can blame ordering two irons on that!!
Doing the next right thing means getting out of bed, brushing my teeth without whining...I do not want to do that. Doing a load of laundry, reading on my lovely porch. And accepting that I am no longer 21...Dear, dear me!!!
6 comments:
Diane I can so identify with this post. I am no longer the girl that can scamper up and down a stairway. I forget things. It”s hard to reconcile who I am inside with what I can actually do. I’m very glad you moved into your apartment and let go of all your obligations of being a homeowner. One day at a time. You are not alone about your issues with aging. We are a tribe of old women now, wise and thoughtful. Be generous with yourself.
Char
Yes, I agree, this resonates with me too. I got a package from Amazon but didn't remember ordering anything. Ha! I too am struggling to remember that I am not as young as I used to be. It amazes me the things that tire me out that never used to, as well as all I can no longer really do. In my head I am still young enough to do them. Oh well, we are truly a tribe of old women. Only way now is forward.
I also have those days and struggle to remember to put one foot in front of the other until the gloom lifts.
When the "gloom" come over me--as it does, I try very hard to just do something. Anything, to get out of my own head!! It is so hard--aging. I feel like I should be still able to do stuff, but NOPE!! Hang in there kiddo--Take care hugs, Julierose
I guess I'm echoing what everyone else is saying, we all have huge changes as we age, everything, as you say, takes that much longer and can get the guilts because we can't do all the stuff we could do twenty years ago, even more so if we think back to our twenties and thirties. Hang on in there Diane, enjoy your new apartment and relax. Hope you enjoy your irons!!
Diane, you are strong and beautiful. You have lived an amazing life enriched with varied experiences. You continue to be independent and creative. You are wise and and kind and thoughtful. You are self-aware and not afraid to ask for help when required. I wish you joy and fulfillment in whatever you do - from brushing your teeth to using your irons. Whoever said - several irons in the fire...was talking about more than one. Don't you think?
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