Friday, September 30, 2016

Just Life

The quilt that never was...Voila..a "historical quilt" with the date 2012 on it.
It is historical all right, since it is now 2016.  I just love it on my wall so I never finished it..
It is a of a trillion that I have.
Our Lynsey in cooking lessons from Ms Stephanie...
Mashing potatoes for dinner in her fancy dress choice for picture day!!!
Evan doing his keyboarding homework...such a guy!!
Dylan is sick...Please not pneumonia and strep...pls..
And thank you to my DIL for knowing me so well
She sent this pix from her beach trip!!

Yesterday, I sat in my car by this park in my neighborhood.
I used to take my mother here to have a taco and talk.
We had many a spite of her advanced Parkinson's
She was always ready for an outing.
The staff where she lived would lift her into my van.
 We would drive thru Taco Bell for our tacos.
We would laugh and cry and eat...kind of..She did have a hard time swallowing.
And then we would go back to her Assisted Living place where the staff would lift her back into the wheelchair.
Yesterday, I sat here and cried...missing her so..
Missing her wisdom and her sense of humor and her will to carry on.
I know you are tired of my grief stuff.
I just want you to know that it is everlasting.
The mistakes I made before my losses....
I, too, thought by this time it might be so much better for folks.
I was wrong!!!
I pray for forgiveness if I misunderstood any one's grief, before I really knew..
17 months a widow and tears still hang on my lashes every single day.
I sleep too much, I drink too much, I eat too much, I cry too much.
I am back on the fabric sale pages for therapy.. am at the shelter getting kittens...Lord help me...
(Our new "Boo"  is upstairs in my bathroom wearing a neck protection
He is 3 months old and was neutered at the shelter this morning.

ALS tears me apart constantly.
My dear man's love sustained me.
A person does not get over a 37 year love affair so easily.
I am trying to survive...I am so grateful for all the emails and comments here that lift me up.
People who help me believe that things will be OK and I will be able to carry on.
I am, once again....waiting for the Phoenix!!
20 things we do not want to know about life


elsy said...

dont apologise....grief is what it is,never leaves and rears its head so unexpectedly...thats my experience

Susie Schoepke said...

This is your safe place to talk about how you are feeling so you can find your strength and grace to care for all the people who need you. Caregiving is so challenging because every one else has so many needs and sometimes frankly, I just want to runaway from it all. I am so thankful I have my sewing and my sewing friends. It gets me thru alot. I understand your posts and am very glad you have a place to share your feelings. This honesty lets you live your life and get thru the day. I will run away to my sewing on this rainy morning in Wisconsin before I give my mom a shower and think of you. I also think I will find a place to eat a taco with her and just talk!