A Little is Enough

Aoife's daddy usually takes them for a before bed walk in the dark to the park.

Each darling is outfitted with a glow in the dark light.

Here is our Aoife with her dinner still in her cheeks.  She refuses to let it go...gotta  laugh.!!

Rosie and Aoife (still holding her dinner)

 Friday:  I so need a break....Not the broken bone kind. Grateful as I fell,  once again today.

There was a loose brick in the sidewalk which I did not see...due to a certain peppermint milkshake I was holding...Evidently there will be no multitasking for me ever again!! I tripped on the brick, and ended flat on the grass in tears.  no break, but a twisted ankle and a very hurt sense of pride!!  Those poor guys from next door were joined by the two basketball players on the court next door.  They got me up...TBTG  Tonight I hurt all over.

Because of my craziness this week with two falls, I did ask the boys what they were doing tomorrow...I booked them, just in case it is true that 3 times is the charm!! (I am using the walker now to prevent number three while I heal.)

Good things today are:  Our rugs were finally put down after the flood 7 months ago.  The children were a great help...they were off school for the holiday. Dylan  had his first Covid shot, so far, no problem. My  hair dresser came to my driveway and cut my hair.. Tomorrow the cleaning lady comes, a friend visits and the children leave at four to spend the weekend with their mother. Sat and Sunday I will read and rest.  Sew?  Hope I will be able to.

Saturday:  Feeling a bit better, but still on 4 Ibuproben for each dosage.  My darling grandchildren both now have developed middle school mouths...I had begged Dylan not to grow up like that...but...all my hopes fell on deaf ears. In three months I will have a 12 year old and a 13 year old.  Both kids told me that they are oh, so good out with others, just like to take it all out on old grandma...I get it......but,.....

They have now left with my sister for the morning, then off to their mother's for the rest of the weekend.

An old lumpy log cabin flimsy is better than showing no quilt at all!!!!!

Three weeks after my husband's death, I went to a workshop at UNCC to keep my license.  There I bumped into Margaret and took her workshop on Soul Collage. Thank you Margaret!!!!

I made two. Cutting magazing pictures out, below is me...looking at bleak life after the death of my man.

Here is my husband escaping the bear of ALS, flying high with freedom from his pain.

When I Go

Now, I insist in this quiet evening, I will finish my teacher pencil pouches...I insist, to myself.

Six Years is the Same as Forever

                                        

                           When I Go                     

  

As the storm clouds gather they darken the sky.

My friends tell me to will the sun to shine. 

I am not that powerful.

 I cannot see glory when the tidal wave engulfs me.

Submerged, even hope eludes me.

My heart touches yours. 

 Without judgment, I will always listen to your pain.

Always!

With God's help, somehow along the way, I came to this:  

A Better Man

xoxox Meg

The Buzz of the Dragon

Mr and Mrs O'Quilts laugh and love each other xoxo

My daughter, Emily..at 19 months, taking her first stitches..Yeah, Emily xo
Making, by the way, her own stroller quilt..😍

Some feed sack squares from Lucy's estate. Thank you Lucy xo

Number 12 is also used in my Swedish flag quilt...yet to be done...

Number 12

There is a low volume buzz everywhere...in my mind, in the air, a buzz in my ear..

I have been slaying the dragon for 5 years now..

The day of diagnosis to the day of death to now.

At first check, I want to say that I am not very good at slaying..

Considering the type of dragon, ALS,
I have actually become quite good.

Folks wonder why I am not fixed yet.

The P in Post Traumatic Stress....Is for post..as in after.

As in seeing the Hoyer lift years after he has died.

As in watching him unable to talk or breathe.

As in having to communicate with the alphabet board.

As in having young children, 3, 4 and 8 running around the bed,  in adoration of their granddaddy, paralyzed in the bed, one limb at a time.
As in them saying goodbye to Granddaddy before going to the school bus..but he was already dead
and no one knew it.  He was on the breathing machine with his heart going up and down.

As in seeing him dead, when I continued to advocate for him.

I did not know he was dead...I could not know it.

I hated to know it.  It could not be true.

It still cannot be true.

He was my everything.  I loved him so.

This is the buzz I live with, some days better than others.

Memories to cheer the day
Our first trip to Ireland once the adoptions were final.

 Being baptized Catholic...by Uncle Brendan

My two guys...love

Songs to sustain me...

When I Go
A Better Man
The Rose

for Rhonda....When I Go

The Hour Glass
I just could not wait to get something else on the design wall.
These are block I made at MP mountain retreat.
Solids of forever ago.
Blocks not sewn together yet.
Lightens my heart when the design wall is full

I said goodbye to my friend Rhonda tonight at the nursing  home.

She is on her way to life's last great adventure.

I pray that my Fintan would take good care of her. when she goes.

She said she is not afraid.  Her man is there to comfort her.
I love you Rhonda.
You do not deserve the pain of a brain tumor at 52.
I love this song...posting it again for quilter Rhonda.
When I go
xoxoxo

Stuff and a maudlin rant...no quilting...just delete...

Even my exciting new purchases could not fix tonight...maybe manana...

Just FYI...I oppose the current trending of:

 "How to Life with Less Stuff"

I love my stuff!!!

Fabric stuffed everywhere.

Fabric collected and loved and petted for 50 some years..

Fabric of all colors and designs.

Fabric in big pieces and small pieces.

Fabric bought online, saved from clothes, bought in stores, bought from thrift stores.

Fabric used for quilts and pillowcases and potholders and presents for teachers....
 and quilts for sad folks.

Fabric used in therapy...for me and for others.

So there!!

Just sayin'.....

 Just got sentimental a bit...this hour of the night, you know....
When I Go
That, and death talk today at our Sit-and Sew  and my call to my homeless son,
have put me over the edge.
Me thinks that there is too too too much upon my plate.
Dizziness and cognitive distortion once more
 as I ready this grandma's self for a very early bed.
It is amazing how the defense mechanisms dole out realities in measured portions.
Today I came to the horrible realization that my dear man will never be here again.
That my 37 year love affair is gone.
Tonight I feel erased and in decline.
No use saying how lucky I was, for in this black hole, I cannot find gratitude.
I can only hold on for survival.
Tonight my son insists  he desperately wants sobriety.
He said that sleeping on the sidewalk is messing with his mind.
He said that he needs help and a place to stay.
OMG!  I have the children here...I cannot help.
I told him to check into treatment.
He says that there are no beds.
I cannot bear the thought of another loss if he overdoses..
I am a mess.
Funny...the only things my friends can do is to listen with love...no fix for this one.
I am so grateful for my friends.
The only thing that helps me is to talk it out and to sew....and just maybe tonight...
To Bed!!!!

 Of..course...12 year old Tigger loves me anyway.
.despite the cancer growing on his nose!
He is faithful:)