Saturday, September 26, 2015

Cutting Corners, in the Rain

Putting Pumpkin to everyone else around here!!

We have had a drought in Charlotte for two months..plants all saggy, now soggy.
Now rain. Yes!! 
 If I am not outside, how do I know?? knees, my legs, my hands, my shoulder...etc.
Naproxen and Tylenol..together....have not even hit it.

Getting not much done here..but looking through old magazines.
In the July 2014 issue of Quilty, I found this pattern that uses jelly rolls.
 Last year at Faust, we all got these Jelly Rolls for about $10 good deal.
Sherry and Terri have made them up.
They are totally different...
I cut solid greens here and hope to join them with a finish.
I need something easy when I am in pain and stressed.
Someone, somewhere gave  me this article on grief.
It starts with:
Why does my body ache and feel numb at the same time?
Why can't I think straight?
Will I ever want to be anywhere but by myself in my own house?

That is exactly how I feel!!!  OMG
Maybe I am a bit normal after all:) says stage 1..shock lasts up to 12 months..Jeeze Louize
Then stage 2...a couple of years...I gave up and did not even read...stage 3.
More depressed now.

When family take the children for the weekend, it takes me the entire two days
to get energy to be more myself...I need a whole week,
That will never happen.
The children need stability,
and with Granddaddy gone.
I am it. Ta Da!!
Does anyone think office supplies are needed in a now defunct office????
Shout it out YELLOWS!!!


Gisela said...

My step-mother grieved for my father for a long long time - 2 years. She lives in Germany and the health system sent her to a spa for 2 weeks no cost to her. It helped somewhat, she couldn't drive for the longest time.

Mary said...

I think you are totally normal. Do what you can to take care of yourself.

smazoochie said...

Fabrics are the new office supplies.
Sweetheart, I know we only see what you show us. We don't see the long, dark nights, the fear & trembling. But what we do see is a woman tending to 3 fragile & troubled little lives -- and doing a pretty job of it. She takes on the other worries of all who are most dear to her. She even keeps the animals fed & comfortable. And for herself, she makes time for some healing time at her sewing machine.
You've been through lots of "new normals" in the last few years, this is your newest new normal. I don't know, but I suspect that keeping it all out in the open is your best way. Hunker as you need. Reach out when you need it. There are so many near & far away who care.
p.s. Ibuprofen works best for my arthritic hip.

Michele Bilyeu said...

You lost the love of your life, Diane. And you have lost the son that you thought you would have, and the mother of your grandchildren that you thought you would have though she seems to be really have been trying. And you were stuck with all of the parts of life that your love protected you from, and did for you. So, you are, left behind with all of these complexities on top of your grief.But on the flip side, you are doing it, and you will keep doing it, at whatever you are able to one little step at time. And yes, the first year is the overwhelming "I can't stand this pain." year. But the second year is easier. the second year you see you are standing this pain and as you stand it, you find you can stand more and more, and stand up more and more. So, for right now, you need to lay down, or run away, or fall to your knees. But bit by bit, you stand up taller and prouder as you realize that your are a survivor and you are doing more than so many others do or have to do. And your are getting stronger, and wiser, and more seeing of the bigger picture of life, and of death, and of being a part of it, but not a part of it. And the pain eases, day by day, it eases. And somewhere around that second milestone you realize that its just life, hard, harder, but just life and you can be happy. You can feel joy. You can feel like you will be ok. Because deep down inside, you always have, always knew, always could. And you are never, ever alone. It just seems that way sometime. We are surrounding you, the angels are surrounding you. Your love is surrounding you. Let that love fill you up and let yourself feel it, and him, and all of us, and all who have gone before him and you, and us. And you can do this. And it won't hurt so badly, bit by bit, it won't hurt so badly.

earthwalker quilts said...

Some beautiful words/truths from the others....I do not have much more to add. I know your pain with the SI joints and pelvis are totally shot (don't you love MRI's and technology, tells you stuff you suspect, but don't really want to have in your face:)). Create the pain for stages of is all individual. Love makes the pain easier to manage, his love for you, yours for him, the memory of it always in your heart and mind, the love of your children and grandchildren, even the love of Pumpkin...Not to mention your team of internet supporters. Wishing you love, light and peace from the land of Aus.