The No Picture Snivel

I hope you are never a widow.

At the assisted living facility where my mother lived...

 there were 80 women and 9 men....

So, just in case...

You can read my blog to see what it is like.

 

Today is 6 months a widow here.

Social Security is still not in.

I got the grandchildren off on the school bus.

Then, I went back to bed.

Why get up, she said??

Now, at 1:30, I realize that we need dinner and Stephanie will be here soon.

She will not like what she sees.

So I am off to Trader Joe's to get

their famous Oreo cookies

Why not, she said?

xxoo

The View

The view from my quilting room window...

I have seen this poem a million times. 
This time, it is written for me.
"Beannacht", John ODonohue's blessing for his mother

A struggling day for me.
Remembering
"No matter how you feel..
Get up, dress up, show up and never give up"

With love in my heart, I will never forget the friends who have stood beside me in my grief.
Tomorrow, 6 months a widow.
xxoo

 

Two pieces, sharing the small design wall.

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue...

Oh....that would be for a wedding...ha ha

Got it all wrong...mud brain with a sense of humor...lol

 

Top of the W

Love
Festival  in the Park

Can you imagine???  I was looking around my sewing room.

Searching in drawers for something...

Surprise came with these already assembled four patches...oooooo
Found in the bottom of a random drawer.

 

Jenny Doan helped me figure the plan.

I am off to the races!!

Disappearing four patch
 So quick and so fun...Missouri Star folks are way too clever!!!

  I was looking for my mat that goes round and round...but of course, I cannot find it.

Nothing will stop me now.

Oh...kids arriving...lol
I need a hole punch to make a few missing sight words for Lynsey...
I only have 4 hole punches...all missing in action
...Mud brain can only find staplers...AD/HD at its best.

Two happy thoughts on helpers.
When my sister started her move on Wednesday night, she had several folks lined up to help.
My daughter-in-law and her new boyfriend were the only ones to show up.
Aunt Brandy helped Evan with his homework tonight.
No fits...TBTG..Evan saves that for me...
I am so grateful!

Gifting Saves the Day

We have new neighbors..from Guatemala..new friends.
She was telling me that she has been here for about 18 years leaving her family behind.
She misses them.
She has her own family now...four children and a husband.
This morning, I stayed in bed until 11...once up, never opened the blinds.
Did nothing.  Felt crazy.
 I came upon an old Guatemala tablecloth I had picked up on my travels years ago.
Pays to be a hoarder...you see!!!!
I cut up the good parts and made some potholder/trivets for them.
The runner features the national bird of Guatemala, the Quetzal.

Then I opened the blinds.
 I took the garbage out and a child's dirty sock off the table.

 

The purples now  have a single packed space of their own.
But, wouldn't you know, they miss the yellows and are complaining about the oranges.
Just cannot win sometimes.!!!

My sister and Dylan have a very special relationship.

They love each other totally.

Here is Dylan with Charmaine's dog, Reece.....In her new apartment

Comfy on the window seat with the Ipad and pillow and dog and quilt and love.

With all my hysterical worrying about my sister, the angels took care of it.
I could have minded my own business.
Maybe the angels will take care of my son too.
Maybe they will even take care of me.
Nothing in my long experienced life or my mental health work could possibly have prepared me for the loss of my husband...nothing...nothing...nothing.

Zoe and I are going to sit on the screened in porch now and talk it over.

Cutting Corners, in the Rain

Putting Pumpkin to work...like everyone else around here!!

We have had a drought in Charlotte for two months..plants all saggy, now soggy.
Now rain. Yes!! 
 If I am not outside, how do I know??
Hmm..my knees, my legs, my hands, my shoulder...etc.
Naproxen and Tylenol..together....have not even hit it.

Getting not much done here..but looking through old magazines.
In the July 2014 issue of Quilty, I found this pattern that uses jelly rolls.

 Last year at Faust, we all got these Jelly Rolls for about $10 each...total good deal.

Sherry and Terri have made them up.

They are totally different...

I cut solid greens here and hope to join them with a finish.

I need something easy when I am in pain and stressed.

 

Someone, somewhere gave  me this article on grief.

It starts with:

Why does my body ache and feel numb at the same time?

Why can't I think straight?

Will I ever want to be anywhere but by myself in my own house?

That is exactly how I feel!!!  OMG

Maybe I am a bit normal after all:)

Ugh...it says stage 1..shock lasts up to 12 months..Jeeze Louize
Then stage 2...a couple of years...I gave up and did not even read...stage 3.
More depressed now.

When family take the children for the weekend, it takes me the entire two days
to get energy to be more myself...I need a whole week,
That will never happen.
The children need stability,
and with Granddaddy gone.
I am it. Ta Da!!
BTW
IYHO
Does anyone think office supplies are needed in a now defunct office????

Shout it out YELLOWS!!!

The totally good day Friday, Whew!!!

The supervisor!!!
The driver!!
The man!!




And off goes my sister to a new apartment in a cozy residential neighborhood.
And the angels sing..and her sister (moi) sighs with great relief!!!!

We are thanking angels of all sorts

Those above in the stars.

Those right down here on earth!!

My pit bulls and I are cozy here by the fire on a chilly autumn eve.
Zoe is thrilled with the canine company...
We are, once again...looking at yellows:)

I am moving the yellows to the other room..so they will not have to be double stacked.
And just because I can!! And, just because I want to!!

 Really, look at the pix next to the bookshelf...My mother and grandmother are gossiping.
In that picture, my mother is 71 and my grandmother is 95.!!!!
They are probably too busy to comment on my new use of the old office space...lol
Below are my 10 finished pillowcases:)

I am putting presents into a closed closet now...cuz I can never trust someone....
not to sleep on precious stuff.  Then I have to wash it again!!!

A friend had a seizure a few weeks ago.  She fractured a few lower disks in her back.
Now,  it seems that the MRI showed a mass on one side of her brain..
A big call out for hugs and prayers for our great quilting friend!!!

We love you Rhonda!!

The Night Owl

Look what I found amongst my Christmas fabrics.
...Something I started last year...or was it two years ago???
It seems more interesting tonight.
Total stress tonight about my sister's house closing tomorrow and all that that entails.
Not my house, I know..but....

 I have decided to organize my yellows instead of buying fabric
..as the midnight scary hour approaches.

 I am even glancing at my basket of food fabrics thinking about potholders...just thinking....

My sister is spending the night with me tonight..
A big...even bigger shout out to my future son-in-law for saving the day at her house today.
..like all day long..
They took out boxes and boxes.  He is an awesome organizer!!
U Haul is now full. 
My sister worries about nada...She just hums along...
I could use a little of that disposition...just a little..:)
And so another evening comes and goes...
I think I will wait up for her...off the computer of course...

Oh...my, an article.... 

The Wednesday adventures of Grandma O'Quilts

Hello, my name is Grandma O'Quilts...Today there was no school. 

 I took three children for dental check ups this morning. 

 Then had to bring one back for an extraction...all the way to Mint Hill....

Hello there...my name is Dylan and I am five.  I had a tooth pulled today and cannot wait until my very first tooth fairy experience...I am thrilled beyond belief!!

 Hello there...I am Lynsey and I am 6...I am having a scrap sorting experience...

I am learning cool colors, warm colors and neutrals.

So proud I am!!!

This afternoon Dylan and Grandma and Zoe were chillin in the yard welcoming fall...

We were thinking of our dentist,who worked all day in her crowded office on children's teeth.

She is 9 months pregnant and being induced tonight...

Like WOW!!

 Grandma treated herself by finishing 6 pillowcases..

I keep telling myself that it is only September and look what is ready for Christmas.

Last night ordered fabric I did not need from Hancock's of Paducah.

It was because I did not want to go to bed without my man.

From the outside looking in, I know it all... 

But, I am on the inside looking out.
I know nothing.

Obsessive behavior.. may look crazy to others, heck, it looks crazy to me.

Overeating chocolate, over collecting fabric, over worrying about my son,

It somehow keeps the grief at bay,. keeps the focus off the real deal.
It is my Morphine for my pain.
I miss Himself soooo!
I figure that it is my life and whatever works for me now..I will just do!!
And this is the season for atonement..Thinking about it.


RECHARGE
 begin over
start anew
do the things
you want to do

erase trivia
overlook crass
pick yourself up
or you'll fall
on your
EXCUSES

Alice Franzen Clemons Burt

Good Day Sunday

Look what I am doing tonight. I am in the pillowcase spirit somehow....You know that Black Friday at JoAnn's Fabrics usually brings a huge flannel sale...from $1.46 to $1.67 a yard in most recent years..sale plus coupons...We wait until early evening when most shoppers have gone home.  Usually the store is pretty empty of shoppers by then...and we go nuts over flannel  Since tomorrow is the first day of fall,

 I am starting with the flannel pillowcases.using last year's flannel!!!

 I have six ready to sew...then I will have the kids pull them through tomorrow after school.

Such a plan.

With school in full swing, I am amazed at the difference in 100 years since I went...ha ha

Lynsey is in first grade.  She is 6 years old and all her homework is now done on the computer...OMG

My daughter's man came by tonight to set up an icon on the Ipad and computer,

 so she could do the homework.

All the homework assignments come in an email..

.Old Grandma realized that just in time tonight!!

Thank you Drenna for last years sight words laminated...yeah!! 

I am using them now for both Lynsey and Dylan:)

That God in Heaven for Katie G...without whom we would all be in homework despair.

Katie is a great friend, great tutor and now total fabric freak...yeah...(so not my fault)

Tonight I am ending my good day with a 10 pm diet dinner:

Diet popcorn with diet butter and diet red wine...

I so know how to work it!!!
PS.
I would suggest that u do not try this combination at night.
It leads to Hancock of Paducah sale page
With mucho admiring of Kaffe and Batiks
A person, in my opinion, should just go to bed...

Hitting it Just Right

This is why I love my bottle tree....It changes with the time of day and the seasons..
.It inspires me as I view it from my sewing room.

Today I was brave.
Today I left my sewing room for a Sit and Sew at Terri's house.
It was so worth it.
Here is the crowd getting Grandma off...
You would think it was to the moon instead of 40 minutes away to Terri's house.
 Sherry drove and I relaxed, or tried to..

 I basted my grey X quilt with help in Terri's awesome studio.

....and finished 70 tissue holders for holiday gifts.

Since it is only still September, I am thrilled.

Terri made us lunch, we all caught up with each other and I had two 10 min power naps...lol. 

Can you imagine the hostess at  a Sit and Sew making us presents to thank us for coming.

Oh, Terri...you are something else.  My new flower pincushion is the best!!!!

My sister had her moving sale today.

  She did just ok..but is grateful to be getting rid of things and moving along.

Thank you Stephanie for taking such good care of things so I could have an outing.

The Grands also enjoyed a short visit with their mother.

Very interesting article, Learning to be a Widow

I have been perusing old music on the computer..hmmm

Love Has no Pride

Cloudy on a Sunny Day

Quilt number two finished...Now I have quilted this Granny as well as...Muggs' sailboats.
Pretty good stress reduction!!!

 Just auditioning bindings here..

Going to the bank every other day due to non-stop PayPal hacking of my man's account
 even though his name is not on the bank account.
Today, I went to the bank officer, out of the blue
I just put my head on her desk and sobbed...Jeeze Louize
What in the world...Well they all ran around with tissues promising the moon, etc
.
But they could not bring me what I really needed.

My sister called a bit later telling me she just had a car accident in my husband's car.
It was not her fault, but her neck hurts and the young girl who hit her could not stop crying.
I can identify.
And on it goes.

Finding the good in five months a widow.

My bed...going back to bed, taking naps, sleeping..

I love my bed.

Grief is so exhausting.
My wonderful grands..Forever Young
 

Angels helping my sister who secured a place to live today.

TBTG, and I mean it.
Looks like she will be out of the house on the 24th and moving in that weekend.
Looks like Dylan, the five year old will have to be helping.
He said he would be happy behind the wheel of the U-Haul!!!

Bottle tree and Granny quilting

Sharing again, my lemonade tree...

Because of our shady yard, the branches all go the same direction.

Hoping that direction is a good one... Bottle tree story:
My love and I had a tiff about the bottle tree.
We had an old crab apple tree that was ugly.  Cut it down I said.
 He refused.
 So I made it into a bottle tree. He hated it..take down the bottles..ugly.
 I said no, every respectable southern garden has a bottle tree.
Then it fell down on its own..the roots rotted..ugh..
Miraculously a starter came up next to it...now all grown up into a new tree.
A bottle tree...making lemonades out of lemons...
I love it so.
It reminds me of us.

 

 When life  is too hard...just "Go Sew" and so I am.

You will be happy to know that I am going to bed early tonight...lest I start the maudlin bit.
This post from Bea, at Bea's Hive
made me think of my mother and my dear man....
Such is the life...it is good to have each other. 

Chicken Little

Doo doo going on again at the O'Quilts house...My sister, my sister...oh, dear me.  She has to be out in 10 days now...counting down..to closing and no place to go..
My house is so full with the three darling grands..
and she has two adult children in the spectrum..with struggles...
Oh, dear..says Chicken  Little...
Where is my girl??  Where is my mother??  Where is my man??
Where is my mind??
Sister is bringing me treasures that she no longer wants...Here we have a chenille bedspread we got at the Metrolina antique show at least 8 years ago..
.She never used it..I love it.

 Muggs' beach quilt is finished..label and all...I adore it.
Maybe I will move to the beach and keep it...oh, no...!!
Muggs would so not like that.

 Guess who is so totally proud with the Mandala potholder he made for his trauma therapist!!!!
He loves her...she is great..and her business is called "Mandala"..
It is a good thing that I take him to therapy, as his daddy is in jail..again!!

When the wife of CS Lewis died, he said, "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear". "It was also at times, he added, like being "mildly drunk or concussed and even lazy..."  Well Bingo..CS....I certainly understand you..thanks for putting words to my feelings.

The days are changing in Charlotte.  The humidity is lower, the air is nicer,
Yet, going outside reminds me of my love.
It is painful to go outside in the back yard where we enjoyed so much.
So much safer to stay in my quilting studio.
While friends my age are traveling the world,
I am traveling my stash...my pinks and greens, oranges and purples...etc.
TBTG I have them to comfort me.
I miss my love so much.

Wind Beneath My Wings
Please, my friends, send strength to me...
I do not want to go to bed and I do not want to get up.
But I do!!

Tonight I found it here...in a perfect rendition of our family's 70 year old fudge recipe.

I used to think that fudge fixes everything...but alas..it does not. (it helps!!!)
PS  Did you hear about the new research on dementia????
Red wine and chocolate are the answer...TBTG

xxoo

The Irish Quilting Connection

OMG...My girl has been gone less than 24 hours and I already have these pictures of Cousin Ann's 50th birthday party that was today...My Emily was there for it!!!!!.

...LOOK at the quilt cake that a friend made for Ann!!!!

Doesn't Cousin Ann look 25:)

 And the math quilt that Aunt Maura made for her...

You go Aunt Maura, another Muldoon quilter across the pond..so proud.

With two naps now under my belt and lunch.

I will start cleaning my sewing machine.

Cloistered in my sewing room where I feel safe.

xxoo

The Good Stuff

I need the house empty once in awhile to think about my love and my loss, I just do.

Tonight, I am thinking and sewing...

The two go together nicely.

I am building a backing using favorite fabrics.

Now, that is very very hard if you see fabric as a collection.

To have and to cherish and never to use (except the uglies, etc)

Sigh...with age and loss upon me...I am using tonight, some favorites.

 Here we have Kathylynn with a cake for Wednesday night quilting.

A cake from scratch, still warm.

Kathylynn loves us!!

And, we love Kathylynn..

 Katie went to London town and brought me a treat!!!

Oh, my...Liberty fabric...I love you Katie!!

I will not go into the grieving tonight...Five months..ugh.

Because as we all know, this time of night is rough.

Just celebrating the day.

Uplifted by friends and a song.

Crying in the Rain