Sunday, April 3, 2016

Thru the Light Darkly

Eleven days till the one year anniversary of the death of my love.
A gloomy day for me.
 Outside my sewing room window,  once again,
the sun shines thru the bottle tree, lighting the yard with happiness. 
I try to incorporate that into my soul.
Remembering that life is too short to feel hapless.

I love my son.
I was excited when he sounded so good, out of jail, He had two months to detox, recovering.
Alas, his disease is too powerful.
He did not go to a halfway house, he did not go to meetings, he did not get a sponsor.
He is back homeless on the street.
My heart...
I think I will make a broken heart potholder.

Red Pepper Quilts featured a new line:

Having the money and being a fabric addict, etc
I could be quite attracted to this new exciting fabric....
Alas, it would not bring Mr.O'Quilts back.
It would not make my son sober.
It would not bring my mother back.
Etc...You get the picture.
 I let be.... the blacks and the whites.

 Forestalling tears, I went outside for a bit, in the crisp Carolina Blue.
Then I he said...making  something pretty to show.!!

Here, from Amy Ellis via Baby Lock site, comes a beginners Lucky Block
It just .took a second.  I never before have saved 2.5x2.5 inch blocks.  Now I will.
Memories are lifting me up.
Back outside.
I see the 50 year old Dogwood tree...blooming again, despite Himself being gone.
 Stray Azaleas beside my Grandmother's rusty table, rescued from the Arizona homestead.
 The large green Bradford Pear tree enhanced by Carolina Blue.
I bought that tree for $7 at Walmart 15 years ago.
 Yearly show begins with Clematis..
 And my Love's first rose of the season.
How could it not be blurry.. Wondering  How Can it Bloom at all????
My book and I will now visit with the millions of tiny green inch worms.
Life is still sweet.


smazoochie said...

Bless your broken heart, my dear.
I keep hoping your sons will find the desire & strength to recover. So hard for you, when all you can do is love him.
Hang on to the renewing life outside. I know this is a hard time.

IHaveANotion ~ Kelly Jackson said...

I'm not sure a broken heart ever heals....mine hasn't anyway. While I can't say I know what you are going through, I can say I also have grief that becomes so heavy at times all I can do is hang my head and cry.

I had a recent awareness....I always admired the beautiful quilting and needle turn applique my girlfriend did...and at night I sometimes hold the corner of a quilt she made while I go to sleep, trying to feel her once again. One night I had a thought....her life was not easy....I wonder if her stitches were so perfect because it was the one thing in her life she could control. Since that thought, I do a lot more hand helps my mind relax...a suspended time when I don't think about anything else but my next stitch.

We have drug addicted family members as well....and I don't think anyone could imagine how helpless the situation can feel. I pray that one day there will be a real treatment and support to help those who suffer so with seems if we could put a man and rocket on the moon we could definitely do more to help those in need recover.

So glad we have sewing to unite us!