Tuesday, January 9, 2018

When is Good,.... Good Enough...????

I went to my fourth quilter estate sale yesterday.
The abundance of collectible was free.
But, not free of memories.
And, not free of angst.
Clearly my photography skills are weak
This pretty quilt does not show well..
Art and color cleanse me.

My drawer full of 30's fabric...where are my Grace bits...this baby's name is Grace!!!

In fabric, is it the color?
Is it the lighting...showing the soul and reflecting the heart.
Is it the feel or the possibilities..
Why do I have such hope for fabric and not for....
My fabric collection spans 50 some years.
I hope that my friends and family have a party as...
 they divvy up my passion.once I fly on..

Working on this quilt now, quilting done...do I need more quilting???
  Is it good enough/?
The baby probably will not mind...but the fabric artist does...

Age 70 requires a review of one's life...
I had a great life...no regrets at all..
It was more than good enough.  It was brilliant...
I just want more of it...more and more...
What is my future...??  Really...did I forget, again.... that I am not in control??

Links to my man and my mother...down memory lane..again...always..
HImself....my dear man..xoxo
He told me that when he died, I should not worry about going downtown to make sandwiches for the homeless...that raising the children and making quilts were enough.
Funny how he read my mind...
Even now, I feel like I am not doing enough.
I have the affliction of more....
 On my lovely weekends alone, I cuddle in a quilt or two, sit in my recliner, read a book and doze off,
cats in my lap, dog at my feet..
Maybe my man was right.  Then maybe he was not.

And so I sleep and I sew and I love my grands and my friends.
This article brought more tears to my eyes.
Why Grief Lasts so Long..
.April 14th he will be three years gone.

And so, in order to try to steady myself in serenity, I am taking a break from:
My Naranon group...as I hate addiction and am sick of talking about it for now...
My ALS support group...as I hate ALS and am sick of ALS
Phone calls from my son, as I am fragile and have a great need for self-care.
I do not want to hear about his angst.
Or, listen to him asking for money, when no money ever comes in this direction, to help.

Tonight I was able to review these posts, and read the comments....
I felt warm fuzzies instead of just pathos..

My mother's death...The Butterfly and the Gift

My broken heart...reports....My husband's death...

Today, I napped a million times, I celebrated thawed water in the dog's bowl.
I had lunch with my sister...a rare delight..
Tonight,  blogging and finishing this baby quilt....
....as soon as I decide if it is good.....good enough.

ps  As I review these old posts, I am infused with music love...here is another:
The Rose


Karaquilts said...

I weep with you. Maybe I even "nap" with you in that recliner! I am comforted by a loving pet and nourished by the beauty and color and design and possibility with every new quilt ~ ~ I hear your heart today, my friend. May we both be richer for this shared moment. I am grateful for each visit and for the sharing of the ones you have loved ~ ~ I feel like I know them at least a little through your eyes and heart.

Rest on ~ ~ and quilt on ~ ~ and share on ~ ~ hugs for today :)

Angie in SoCal said...

I am with you. Gentle hugs.

Ellen Guerrant said...

I love your blog, Diane. It has such soul.