Sunday, May 26, 2019

The Same Old Boring Rant....I need it, you do not.!!

Can you imagine, my girl and her man think this is fun.
With no sewing machine around????
 Tillamook State Forest 
Ten month old family wolf...named Rosie...on a hike and in a tent with my girl and her man
Portland is a great outdoor place.  Youth is great too!!
This is Rosie's first real hike and first time in a tent...wow..

Trying to make a sad day more cozy.
My man moved his hospital bed into my office
and our lives changed forever.
This was three years ago...He has been gone 4 years.

I feel sad that no one will ever say to me...again..
"Do not worry sweetheart, we still have each other"

I think I cannot do this anymore without my dear man.
Then, I say...what makes you think he is not here, somewhere...still watching and caring..?
He sent Eamon home, didn't he??

He said, You cannot raise these kids alone...you are too old.
I said, " Watch me..."
When I am weaker...I say..Why didn't you tell me you were going to die
Tuesday morning at 7 am  ????

Today I struggle with fear... a knee replacement operation.
Not an operation on my heart...not a feeding tube..not an amputation.
I am a brave woman wannabee.

Then I say, it is only because of this time in the world that these kinds of surgeries are available at all.
Or I would be in a wheelchair in more pain, yesteryear...

Today is Sunday..I am taking my thankful self outside in the sun to read.
I am reading, The Moment of Lift , by Melinda Gates.
Today I am choosing to sit under a tree in my beautiful back yard...
reading a book with two cats and a dog.

No sewing motivation for me....

Oh, well...I will be courageous..
Week set up for my comfort...
Monday lunch bday party
Tuesday night MQG
Wed day meeting
Wed night IQ
Thursday lunch
Thursday night OMG  OMG  OMG
Friday morning ...the knife
Thank you for listening...
Tonight I needed a rant..xo

4 comments:

Shasta Matova said...

I wish you a successful surgery. Surgery is always scary for me too, but I trust my doctors to heal me.

Teresa said...

Hugs and prayers sent to you.

Mystic Quilter said...

Always good to write down how you're feeling, that's half the battle I think. I hav e such admiration for you, looking after the children, health problems - but yes, thank goodness we're not back some years when surgery for knee replacement wasn't available.
You seem to have your week planned out pretty well and I'll be thinking of you come Friday morning and sending lots of good wishes!

Cynthia@wabi-sabi-quilts said...

It's good to express fears and worries, and there is no timeline for grieving. I hope your surgery goes well, and that your recovery is swift!