Tuesday, December 22, 2015

The colors of grief are mostly dark.

The personal truth about grief.
.uncontrollable.... rapid waves... high mountains... low seas.
The struggle for survival in a new and strange land.

I had a very nice day today...breakfast with a wise friend
Dinner with my girl...a bit of shopping and laughter..
Christmas all ready.

Then...wham...here it comes...late at night.
I get anxiety.  I do not want to go to bed.
I want to eat junk food.
I feel like I cannot survive.
I concentrate on the fears.
My husband
My mother
My only son.

I feel weak.
I feel terrified.
There is no one to steady my boat.
Only me...and the godly universe..

I am forcing myself to leave the house in the daytime.
I must force myself to go to bed in the night.
Move along Mrs. O'Quilts


rondiquilts said...

Wish I could give you a hug. I pray your anxiety eases up. Merry Christmas to you and the little ones.


ES said...

Yes, I think you need to go to bed when it's late and let yourself sleep. X

Alcea Rosea 31 said...

Although you feel so alone, you are not, you are surrounded by people who love and care for you deeply.

smazoochie said...

I want to learn meditation for dark or hectic times. Maybe meditation would help you.
You have so much loss to mourn, you deserve to mourn. But remember the love all around you. I know you do.