Thursday, December 18, 2014

The Fear and the Fairy

The Fairy
I was crabby McNasty today..
It was the.last day of Prednisone for my asthmatic away..
I was horrid.  No sleep, etc....oooo

And, then I got out of bed and found this package on the table..

I burst into tears.
 It was so loaded with gift cards and M&Ms and fabric that I was just in shock.
Immediately I said..."Why me"...and thought that others needed this kind of lift more..I patted it and loved it..and aloud..."Thank you so much"
Dear Santa....I am sending love and gratitude for this wonderful box of treasures for us.
 To where do I send my love and thanks??? 

Today was very difficult...a perfect day for a treat. Lucky lucky O'Quilt family:)

I really needed to get outta Dodge and the Target gift card just called my name.
Katie saved the day by taking the kids to karate graduation.
Almost....Ha ha..  no one should ever have to take all 3 kids anywhere!!!

Here is my loot from Target.
Baby wipes and Kleenex.
Hospice does not pay for much on the wipes.  They think that we should use washcloths to toilet our loved ones.  We think not...$50 is a lot of money, but well worth it.
I am so so so grateful.
 The Fear....
Finally..the day is done.  Kiddos are asleep, My sister and daughter have the night off...
Thought I might actually clean off my sewing table and start sewing a bit..
, Enter emergency call to Hospice on-call nurse.
There was uncontrollable scary shaking numbness and weakness in his left arm and hand.
When my dear man is nervous....not good.
Evidently it was a small seizure or TIA or brain bleed.
 His damaged left arm has not regained  its range.

During today, I was struggling with what is.  I wanted so badly to turn back the clock and make our life just  like it was 18 months ago.
Poof!! That was wasted dreaming...Tonight's episode clarified what I really do know inside...
Tomorrow ALS will be not be better.  ALS is never better. There is no going up in this disease.
And when he can no longer move his tongue and lips to tell the nurse what is going on..
When he will not be able to tell me he needs the Cough Assist machine...
I will need more strength and the Calvary to come.

The Calvary does come, doesn't it?
I think it did the form of a gift box from friends with great big hearts.


smazoochie said...

What a lovely package to help lift the gloom that surrounds you & your home. No, there is never going back, only going forward. We must do so with as much grace & courage as we can muster. And, oh so wonderful, when someone reaches out & lends a helping hand.
You are ALWAYS in my heart.

Rachaeldaisy said...

I do believe the calvary will always be there when you need it. So far it's turned up in all sorts of ways. Lots of hugs to you all as always.

Mary said...

I am so glad you got a package to lift your spirits for a while today. Yes, I believe help will be there when you need it the most. Sending hugs your way.

Catherine said...

That`s a great, thoughtful package. I am sorry to read about your hubby`s episode. I agree with you about using wipes instead of washcloths.