Friday, January 1, 2016

The Beginning of a New Beginning....A new year of hope

 New Year's Day starting out right.
I took a shower.

Evan wanted to stay up last night to watch the ball drop. He had never seen it before.
Old Grandma did it with him.
Tonight I have invited a few brand new friends over for drinks.
They all have lost their spouses.
I have not done an invite like that over in 3 years.

I am eating frozen blueberries in my cereal instead of fresh.
I had an artificial tree this past year, instead of fresh.
It all still works just fine.

2016 reveals that I have turned into a Willy Wonka blueberry
All from grieving, with the help of 2.5 years of eating chocolate hidden in my fabric stash.
The second the doc said ALS,  it started....with the dismal prognosis of no hope at all. 

I remember my girl going thru all my fabric, bringing out the bags of M&Ms and taking them to Mr. O'Quilts.
Lying there paralyzed in his hospital bed, he told her to let it go. Just let it go.
She was afraid I would die too.

The next reflection for this New Year involves the non-stop fabric therapy that has been keeping me afloat .
It is not like I do not pay the bills...I do.
It is not like I buy clothes or new shoes...I do not.
Between 10 and 12 at night, the pain of the grief waves is unrelenting. 
First I say...You will be ok..Mrs. O'Quilts.
Then I say...a cookie will help...maybe two.
A glass of red wine...or more...
The wine puts me in the mood for U-Tube love songs.
The crying puts me in the mood for online fabric sales. I go!!!

Stephanie says that if she ever finds fabric folded in the kitchen cupboards..
She will quit!
Oh, dear...

Grey rainy skies, the purpose of life and death.
Pretty fabrics folded nicely.
Excessive fabric.... I do not care.

In this state, there are dump trucks on the road with bumper stickers that say,
"Building the Carolinas, one load at a time"
Here, on Truesdale Place.
I am building strength, one potholder at a time.

And so it goes already, in the New Year.
May 2016 bring peace and joy to you and yours.


Mystic Quilter said...

I hope that you too may have a peaceful New Year - and go easy on the fabric!! Diane I have not suffered the loss of my husband as you have but I can relate to the issues of the chocs, the biscuits - sadly not the wine because of medication - but I would if I could - the fabric too I understand. I do these things at times of great stress and worry - not worried yesterday but still put in an order for Loominous and Fibs and Fables range!!!! Keep well.

Connie said...

I think that it is wonderful that you are at least not standing still. Little steps throughout the year and staying busy would be my advice. I cannot image your sorrow. Here's praying for you to have a comforting new year . . . God bless you.
Your blogging sister,
Connie :)

smazoochie said...

I hope there is more Hope in your New Year.
The chocolates, the wine, the fabric buying, they are all pacifiers. I know you know that & I know when you are ready to let go of them, you will.
A big 2016 Hug to you!

Rachaeldaisy said...

May 2016 bring peace and happiness. Fabric,chocolate and wine is fine, as Beth says you'll know when to ease off.

Alcea Rosea 31 said...

Making things, be it pot holders or quilts must be healthier than too much chocolate and too much wine. I do drink and I love sweets and I do succumb when I'm stressed. I need to occupy my hands.