Sunday, November 29, 2015

The Message

This will be the first Christmas in 37 years without Himself.
It is painful.
This antique horn was one of the first Christmas ornaments that we bought together.
It still blows.  It toots!!

I see Dylan enchanted by it.  He takes it off gently and blows and smiles...He loves it.
My first thought is to say...No!!...Do not break is only to look at..
But,  his pleasure is too great.
And, I am a grandma after all.
..Better to watch Dylan's five year old joy, 
than to have it sold at another antique shop once I am gone.

My sister took all three children today for an adventure at her house.
I sat here in a surprise bout of numb grief.  Just sat.
Somehow, I finished half a novel and made a holiday present.
All done, numb with grief.
And numb with bowls of HT Peppermint bark ice cream.
Trying not to care, but caring anyway.

I love this post on...wabisabiquilts.  I hope u enjoy it too. pillows for sick folks  on Nancy Zeiman's blog
Maybe these little pillows will be on sale during the holidays.
I know they are sold at JoAnn's

One day, maybe I will see that fabric therapy saved me.
I hope I will not feel like a totally ridiculous hoarder.


Alcea Rosea 31 said...

This will always be a tough time of year for you. You are still too hard on yourself because you are doing an amazing job looking after your grandchildren.

Cynthia@wabi-sabi-quilts said...

Last night I got reading your blog - backwards, clicking "older post" again and again - and cried - your raw and honest expressions of grief, and the challenges of single-parenting and grandparenting... Your mother's and other lovely poems, and woven through it all your quilts. I hope you will find some measure of joy this season however difficult it is bound to be!

Karaquilts said...

You have such a gift for finding the magic in the moment! What beautiful eyes you have. Even in your paralyzing grief. Perhaps grief is a warm quilt of insulation snugged around your shoulders. A companion in your new aloneness. Wishing you some perfect moments in your day today.