The Constant in Uncertainty

 June 1, 1980

NOTHING IS THE SAME

Rain on the roof is different now.

Sunset lacks its rosy hue.

Evening stars flicker and fade

Yet the wind still wails for you.

from the book, Daydreams, by Alice Franzen Clemons Burt

Winter Solstice Shines Some Light

Another place in my home decorated.  My man's handicap bathroom downstairs.

For some reason, this bathroom brings me joy as it was a gift from friends.

It is huge and spacious and happy...(as happy as a bathroom can get).

BTW, This cat quilt is white too...how many shades of white in a spectrum???

From a chilly Portland with love, Emily, Aoife and Rosie, on a walk today..

My grands went to stay with their mother for a few days. They insisted that there was no school today.  A new week...a vacation week.  I looked it up, but there were triangles and circles, etc..

Alas, tonight I received 3 robo calls...from a high school, a middle school and an elementary school proclaiming unexcused absences for all.  Confusing.  There should have been a direct email:

Grandma O'Quilts...There IS school on Monday... With the Ava operation, etc..it was easy to become confused.  AND, if you had seen the darling, sincere eyes insisting today as the start of winter break, you too may have believed them!!!!

Tonight watching sappy movies, I finally finished this top.

A finish.  I do hate to do the quilting, but...I am glad this is done.

I think I will do straight line quilting.....someday ...

Tonight's story is thanks to Paula.  Her man died of ALS just like mine did.  But the first Christmas after, her kids bought her a tattoo copied from a card her husband had sent her.  Love.

Of course, my kids must have thought that I was way too old and wrinkly for this nice thing. because it was never offered up to me!!

I can enjoy Paula's...Way to go girl.

Tonight I am calm.  My son and I cannot find the Christmas star, here in the woods, but we found Orion. And, it was lovely outside in the dark.

Everyone needs time alone. It offers a calm, crack, open for a sliver of hope.

 

A Novel Year

 Everything...just everything, is different this year. Flexibility has to be one of the most popular words of this year...although we do fight it so.  This year, Santa is now planning to wrap presents in plastic grocery bags tied with fabric scraps...2020, a year to remember!!!

From Portland came this picture of our Aoife admiring the snowman rug made by  her Granddaddy.

When I first met my husband in graduate school, he was into rug hooking.  He  made this for us for our first Christmas married in 1980.  Forty years ago??  Is this vintage  yet..??  Well to Aoife, it is for sure.

Mr. O'Quilts would be thrilled to see her loving it so.

The above shows us how slow Grandma is now-a-days. Every week or so, I am able to sew on one border and I have to blog about it...cuz  it is a big deal for me.

Slow, unfocused...Four days until Christmas Eve.

No sugar cookies  made.  Nothing wrapped. House a mess.

But... life gave me permission..cuz it is 2020!!!!

In the next room, the children are watching Zombies with their father.

Old lady asks, "Is it appropriate".??  Well, they all find this hilarious...Zombies???

With blood coming out of their noses...All three of them, 35, 11 and 12 love it!!

I am detaching myself to my sewing room for survival.  I turned on a Netflix movie, only to read on the credits that it was based on some Harlequin novel...It has come to this!!  OMG  I am stooping low for peace.

My sister said that I am not the only one under stress this December...

Here we are 7 years ago at my birthday. My man was paralyzed in the bed with ALS and I took guardianship of my darlings.  My man died a year later.  My mother fell out of her wheelchair and broke her neck 5 months later.... We carried on.

They were three, four and seven.  Now they are 11, 12 and 15 and I am way over 100.

Just seeing this picture tonight helped me see that the O'Quilt family is a survivor!!!!

We will carry on!!!

Grandma Under Pressure...Santa is Coming, You Know

One thing decorated!!

I have succumbed to red wine and red and green M&Ms.

My DIL in the hospital exhausted--- Ava recuperating..

Leaves little time for her to help the other children

get presents for each other...I mean really, Christmas is about giving....lessons to learn. 

Too late now for Amazon and old grandma too nervous to go to a store.

And when I asked them...Let's sew...they did not want to leave the computer games..

We will just take a breath knowing tomorrow is a new day.

Golden Christmas lights finally arrived from Amazon.

Covid brain here...ordered by mistake, two packages of Halloween lights.

Ten pm.  Grandma needs respite.  Please let Grandma have the quiet privacy of her own sewing room.

OK  !!

It is bedtime for the children, so I made myself guacamole from the avocados that were ripe.

Into my sewing room, I crept...only to find two children with plates already joining me.

AND, they were eating among my fabric...OMG

I am eating so much junk food, due to holiday stress and Covid stress, that I will never, ever fit down the chimney in 5 days.  What to do??? What to do??

There were many years that I was up sewing past midnight, the night before Christmas.

In a wink of an eye, those days for me are over..

Another lesson, I guess.

Life Has a Mind of It's Own

 

 Attaching the border to my Delectable Mtns...quilt top.

I love it.. I hope I have enough.

Dylan is sewing closed the rip in his Tiger.  It would have been so much easier

for me to do it, rather than teach him how..

It was worth the time.  I did offer to wash it...

but NO..Dylan likes Tiger just the way he is.!

Birthday present on the wall in my sewing room.

Heather's adorable folded star, now sparkling on my wall.

My weekend R and R was cut short today, with the arrival back of my two youngest grand darlings.

Lynsey and Dylan had been with their mother when their little sister became sick.  Emergency!!!

Ava needed her 4th brain surgery.  The shunt failed again.  The tissue grew over the shunt so it could not be removed and a new one was inserted. It seems to me...woefully uninitiated, that 4 times a failed shunt is a bit too much for a 2.5 year old.  I hope this does not have to happen every six months. As we speak, the operation is over and Ava is eating cookies and chocolate milk, in the hospital.

Spending the night or so for observation. .with her exhausted mother.

We are grateful

I think I remember a carefree youth where my family took care of me  In  high school, I remember staying up late eating pretzels and Dr. Pepper.  I felt well taken care of...

I do not feel so carefree lately!!!!

A dear friend of my son sent this yummy Guatemalan fabric to me.

When I tell my son how do I say "Thank You"?

My son says, it was a gift from God...so thank God.

And, so I did.!!

Birthday Love

Thank you dearest Aoife!!!

Today was the day I turned 73. 

 Lynsey made the chocolate cake...modified with a package of chocolate morsels and a few extra tablespoons of water...She said it was so yummy, we did not need frosting.

My sister sent peppermint ice cream...Oh, my...

A little warm mulled wine for the season...which of course, starts today!!

Heather drove all the way from Waxhaw to give me her homemade trivet and my arthritis kept me from even answering the door!!  Isn't the trivet wonderful!!!!

Three visitors today...Unbelievable and tons of good wishes.

I have not had visitors like that in forever.

Bev and Ginny all the way from Mint Hill with this treat.

And honestly...the treat was the outside visit with masks...in this lonely time!!

Linda made me Five dishcloths...OMG  I want to hang them on the wall!!

Plenty of homemade chocolate cookies.

How all my friends and family knew chocolate is my thing....is just amazing.

My girl called in Chinese food from Portland to Charlotte...My son picked it up.

Such a treat!!

My son cleaned all the floors..He wrote a lovely note of gratitude as did our Lynsey.

Soo many texts, emails, phone calls...Amazing.....I am so lucky.

Lynsey wrapped my present in fabric to save the trees!

Thank you friends and family and God and world.

Like my mother used to say....I am glad I lived this long!!

AND........

Thank you Aoife!!!!!!

 

Wormy Kind of Day

 

Have to start off with a smile from our dear dimpled Aoife!!

Lynsey made 4 one pan cakes like this.  She mixed the two cakes to make it swirl and pretty

She and her dad had bought canned frosting...Disgusting. Fair enough, they told me to make my own frosting.

I made it in haste so it was much less than spectacular.

This morning for breakfast, I had a slice.

Next thing I hear Lynsey fighting with her brother.

And, telling her father that her brother had taken a piece of my cake.

When I confessed, she was stunned...It is NOT your birthday yet???

I thought it was my cake.  I did not know it was a birthday cake.

Hilarious....this was hilarious.  Poor Dylan, blamed for everything.

Old tired grandma is trying to feel younger...Thus:  Size 6 for bicep curls and size 2 for something else.

I tried the 3's but they made my shoulder hurt.  So far, not one part of me feels 42 again...!!! And, I have been doing this for six months!!!!

My son took 12 and a half year old Zoe to the vet for a check up

Her fur is falling out in chunks.  She is deaf, her eyes are clouded.

However, if Linda visits or she sees a squirrel, she takes off with youthful spirit..

The vet said that her blood pressure and heart beat were both very low.

She did blood work.  On the way home, Eamon decided to stop at Home Depot with two animals in the car.  He loaded pine needles.  When he checked on Stitch, our cat...she had pooped worms...Jeeze Louize...  The vet has now set aside for us tapeworm medication.

Took dear Lynsey to the pediatrician.  She had had itching on her bottom, too.

Pinworms.  OMG...God, Grandma O'Quilts is exhausted.  I know the worm thing is too much information, however............

We went for a peppermint milk shake to celebrate her bravery at the doc and

it started to feel a bit like Christmas!!!

All is well when I start messing around with scraps for a hospital donation quilt.

Maybe a few more red hearts in the blocks for a kid's Valentine quilt.

The Phoenix Finds Mrs. O'Quilts.

 Mrs. O'Quilts has been feeling the effect of world-wide doldrums....No sewing, no nada...lots of sleeping.Today was stunning outside.  I read one book in a chair in the sun, the other on my exercise bike .  

With energy, tonight after the news, I sewed!!

This has been on my design wall for a month or so..

Maybe it was seeing those vaccines roll out tonight...Maybe it was the exercise.

But, tonight I rose like the Phoenix with energy to sew.

When the Pandemic started, I joined others to choose projects to finish while isolating.

I chose four.  This is the only one near done, but I am excited.

Success begets success.

Just a small batik border and I can baste and quilt.

This is old fashioned Delectable Mountains, but Bonnie Hunter does have a tute for it.

Yesterday I got my first birthday card!!!

Last night's giggle fest after Canasta!

If we look into the room, high on the top shelf of the book case, there is a small turquoise box or two of Trader Joe's minty star Christmas cookies. Yup, they are still there...Lynsey, taking advantage of her old Grandma's wobbly nature.  I do have a grab stick, but I might fall.  AND, there are still many days until Christmas!!  Sigh!!

Yesterday morning, French toast was delivered to my sewing room by Chef Lynsey..  

All dusted with powdered sugar and topped with my favorite blueberries.

She must have learned this from the baking channel or Tik Tok.

Delicious.

Tonight my son took his children on a long bike ride through the woods and golf course.

I said, NO...too late...snakes come out at night...Do you have helmets and lights..

I was ignored.  They all came home flushed with joy.  They had the best time ever.

Parenting is for youth.!!

Tomorrow it is to be cold and rainy.

Remote learning starts up again.

Perfect for snuggling with a book.

2020 Sanity

It is still all about Aoife!  Here is a Christmas present from me.

At 4.5 months she fits inside it!!!  Now all my grands have bags.

The Irish insides...ha ha a sheep pocket.

Label from her grandma.

 I have made so many bags for children in this style with their name on it.

Hello...this time I made things so much easier by gluing the top together before I inserted the straps.

Easy peasy to just stitch them then.  Just a swipe of regular glue stick from the office.

Guess who sleeps in her own bed now??

Guess who rolls over now??

Guess who smiles in the morning to her mother after a good night's sleep?

North Carolina news:  Governor has issued a partial lockdown.  No one is to be out between 10 pm and 5 am.  No alcohol sold after 9 pm.   Next up.....Last night's school board meeting closed in person learning until January 19, 2021.  That starts upcoming Monday. Our hospitals are reaching capacity and those in South Carolina are worse. It is truly scary. Dylan will be in school tomorrow.  I am hoping Lynsey will help me with some Christmas things in-between her lessons..

Evan and his mother ordered black masks....Ugh...

Of course I made them.  For me and my cataracts, black is impossible to see.

At least I snuck in a bit of color for the filter pockets on the back and for the elastic.

 What is keeping me sane??  I think it is friends Zooming...My ALS support group had an awesome Zoom the other night with friends from across the country.. My Charlotte modern quilt guild...Zooms once a month...My regular quilt guild once a month.  Weekly Zooming with my Wednesday night quilt group.  Zooming every Saturday night with my Naranon group...And, chats with blogging friends and local friends.  Daily Facetime with my Aoife and my daughter. 

And texting..the magic of checking in with folks in a nonintrusive way.

My son doing the laundry and fixing things.  I am going to lighten up on the school thing...try to have a bit more fun at home here with the grands.  I do not know how they can fail any child for heaven's sake.  Internet is off and on and hotspots sometimes do not work.  And, that is just in the city. Lynsey is loving remote learning.  The boys, not so much...What is that they say about there being a difference between boys and girls????

Today was nice enough to sit outside with a book and a jacket...sunny 64 degrees F.  I wanted the children to come outside with me and read...but, NO..Both of them preferred Tik Tok and Mindcraft  Oh, well..

I want to give a million dollars to Dylan's fifth grade teacher.  I do not have that....but she is so worth it.

I have also discovered what everyone has known for years.  Being outside and doing a bit of exercise helps my mood.  Focusing on one thing at a time that I can accomplish, steadies me.

Look for the Light

Holiday Season 2020

 Here is our handsome Dylan...fifth grade...

Look what I bought myself for my birthday!!!!

I just love colored duct tape.  $16 for 12 rolls, I could not help myself.

How do we spell friendship??  Homemade MOLASSES  cookies.

Aoife learning Tic Tac Toe...

Our family Christmas version,

I am finally working on a Christmas present.

Our tree is up and crooked. A 2020 tree!!

When the kids come back from their mother's house this weekend, we can decorate.

No one is coming, but this 2020 demands and deserves bright and cheery.

I see a package under the tree...I had joked with Lynsey that we were going to wrap with fabric to save paper....so there I find my good Denise Schmidt fabric under the tree!!! Ha!!                                                        

A holiday present that sounded the alarm

Dylan cannot wake in the morning. Neither can his father.

Finally, Grandma O'Quilts got fed up with it and ordered them each an alarm clock

It was billed as an alarm of all alarms...for even deaf people.

This is what I get for looking for a quick fix!!!

This alarm is so loud and piercing that my ear still hurts.

It is worse than the fire alarm...OMG

Guess I will have to send it back....cry....cry..sad..

On a NC personal note:

I went to the grocery store just now and apologized to the supervisor who

helped me when my PTSD was triggered last month.  Talk about shame and ego...she did not remember it....either she sees many meltdowns in the grocery store..Or I see myself as the drama queen..

My dentist has retired.

Now, my vet has sold his business and retired..

I do not do well with loss.

On Black Friday, I bought a chair for my sewing table.

Unfortunately it turned out to be a gaming chair that gives my legs no support.

I have to return it.  NOW, old lady reads the small print.  Returns are on my own dollar and they have a restocking fee....I am beside myself making poor decisions....I think I was using Black Friday Prime as some kind of Covid tranquilizer....UGH

We are not giving holiday presents to adults this year, which is a big relief.

In fact we are having a 2020 Christmas...sigh....four people.

Ten days until my birthday...I am doing the best I can.

I am doing 6th grade social studies and science...I am interfacing school work between teacher and student in remote learning.  I am doing my PT home exercises.

I am responsibility free tonight....That, my friends, means a sewing night xo

Walkin' Right Through That Fire....

The Rose

Trader Joe's has the best Christmas mint star cookies.

Lynsey was putting away the groceries when she spotted the two boxes I had bought for Christmas.

Here she is, putting them high in the living room bookcase, so the entire family can watch over them, just in case a sugar freak grandmother eats them before the holiday.  Whaa??????

Eamon has been working on a neighbor's car for a few days now.

He just cannot get the last two screws out..Guess who he grabbed away from Minecraft???

Yup...our Dylan..starting early.  And, Dylan was able to put his smaller hand in to get it out..He did it!!

Hawthorne Threads is my new favorite fabric shop online...I used to love Hancocks of Paducah but lately, the pickings are slim.  .Hawthorne's site is fabric candy  OMG...just to look is fun.They had a cyber sale, but before I found it, most things were sold out, not that I needed anything.Hawthorne Supply Company Is evidently the new name...love..

Whining below...you can ignore!!!

A harrowing day with joint pain at the grocery store.  Dylan and Lynsey took their own cart to get half of the items. She wiped down all our carts. They loaded the car.  They told me that I overdid things....As usual, Grandma.!!!!

Because of their helpfulness, I thought we could play canasta before bed.  One child sang, "Nanny, nanny boo boo, stick your head in doo doo.." laughing annoyingly hysterically.  The other one....well do you know how a male AD/HD 10 year old plays cards???  He jumps in place. He runs up and down around the chairs., He drops the cards...OMG

They fight over who is cheating and who is not.  They argue on card placement. They accuse each other of not playing right.  Guess my expectations of a relaxing card game with my darlings...was way out of whack.

Dylan pulled the blinds down so hard that they broke.  Lynsey decided in between turns to make red velvet cake. My brain is fried. I have not sewn in days.  I had to cancel a fun visit due to exhaustion.

More today as Lynsey told me that the only place she can concentrate on social studies is in my sewing room with Alexa screaming some new age music.

My son and Dylan sleep so deeply that waking them is a chore...a big chore.  After Dylan missed the bus this morning, i ordered online, two alarm clocks for deaf folks..they have a loud alarm and a vibrating pad for under the pillow...stay tuned!!

There is no sewing around here...none...zip..I am stuck looking out the window playing Freecell. I have started behaving like the children. ..zoning out..... Would like to go to Tuesday morning to get the Christmas candy, but I am scared to...Scared to leave  my house.  Covid 19 is creeping up and up here in the Carolinas.

In between remote learning classes, this girl decided to make some mug rugs...Her way of course.

No seams, only applique...Here I am teaching her how to rotary cut for the first time ever...I insist she wear one of the gloves that protect the hand.  Teaching a bit of measuring. too.

This week has held tons of stress for Grandma O'Quilts.

Good thing is that my hairdresser of  21 years came by...On the sidewalk, she cut my hair.

It lifted my mood..  My mother used to call the hairdresser, a miracle worker.

 Grief and Covid and holidays equals huge stress.  I am exhausted. It was pouring rain in Charlotte.  I stepped outside to admire the holiday lights my son put up.  I smelled a fire from the neighbor's fireplace.  It takes me right back to good family times....but instead of a warm fuzzy   I get an anxiety attack.  That is what PTSD is...A person is strong and strong and strong during the crisis..and once that has been survived with the help of friends, then the strength goes away as the anxiety comes... I love Megan Devine and her grief links and her book.  She reminds us that gratitude and grief ride side by side. A person is not denying one by expressing the other.

Just sayin'  if I was younger and stronger, for sure I would climb up and eat those Christmas cookies right now!!!!