The Buzz of the Dragon

Mr and Mrs O'Quilts laugh and love each other xoxo

My daughter, Emily..at 19 months, taking her first stitches..Yeah, Emily xo
Making, by the way, her own stroller quilt..😍

Some feed sack squares from Lucy's estate. Thank you Lucy xo

Number 12 is also used in my Swedish flag quilt...yet to be done...

Number 12

There is a low volume buzz everywhere...in my mind, in the air, a buzz in my ear..

I have been slaying the dragon for 5 years now..

The day of diagnosis to the day of death to now.

At first check, I want to say that I am not very good at slaying..

Considering the type of dragon, ALS,
I have actually become quite good.

Folks wonder why I am not fixed yet.

The P in Post Traumatic Stress....Is for post..as in after.

As in seeing the Hoyer lift years after he has died.

As in watching him unable to talk or breathe.

As in having to communicate with the alphabet board.

As in having young children, 3, 4 and 8 running around the bed,  in adoration of their granddaddy, paralyzed in the bed, one limb at a time.
As in them saying goodbye to Granddaddy before going to the school bus..but he was already dead
and no one knew it.  He was on the breathing machine with his heart going up and down.

As in seeing him dead, when I continued to advocate for him.

I did not know he was dead...I could not know it.

I hated to know it.  It could not be true.

It still cannot be true.

He was my everything.  I loved him so.

This is the buzz I live with, some days better than others.

Memories to cheer the day
Our first trip to Ireland once the adoptions were final.

 Being baptized Catholic...by Uncle Brendan

My two guys...love

Songs to sustain me...

When I Go
A Better Man
The Rose

Ode to Melissa, Kara and Tula

Tula number 11

 Beginning log cabin with 2.5 inch strips organized by 

my friends, Melissa and Kara on a Tennessee mtn. xo
Amazing that I have to send my scraps away for organization...OMG

News:  My daughter did not burn up in the fires on her week long music
festival..She drove home by the coast from Mendocino to Portland
all without her mother;s advice...and without any cell phone service
So, all Mommy's wisdom..sat right here in Mommy's heart.
My son is spending the night at a friends house..and off to church with him in the morning.
Kids are at their mother's house...
And.....here I be....

It is Time to say Goodbye
Everybody Hurts

And So it Goes.....

We remember that "Stitch" was the cat's name in the shelter

when we adopted him...He was meant to be a quilting cat

Such a love...

Lynsey chose this thread for the binding because it was so pretty and it could be seen

The rest of us try to hide our binding thread.

Here she is...sewing away...nails courtesy of Uncle Steve.

Her quilt is now finished and covering a doll upstairs in her room.
It is pouring rain here...for days...I have cracked my bedroom window so I can hear it.at night
makes for better sleeping.

Making a different block from Pat Sloan..fun..

It is a 13 and a half inch block..should go with my new pineapples.
if I decide on a sampler from Civil War reproduction fabric.

Tula number 10...go Grandma...go!

I am reading about a bit about courage...
We cannot be courageous and content at the same time
as having courage implies taking emotional risks.
Interesting stuff...just for awhile..Brine Brown.
Then back to reading pablum so I can relax.

So, is it courage to put my needs out there so folks can help?
So much easier to give than to receive.
Or to stuff feelings inside not to make others  uncomfortable.
Since my quilting blog has also become my therapy blog,
just writing this helps me to buck the tradition for my own survival.
Can you believe this philosopher at only 5:pm sans vino tinto??

Midnight fun...Grandma, Evan and his daddy....
Creative some-mores with chocolate chips and marshmallow.
My son is here today.
I was sleeping so he walked from the bus stop to my house.
Brave soul.
He is helping Evan sort thru his clothes.
He is helping me be calm
He is only one person and we all clamor for his attention.
We all need him so.
He told me that "his roommate"  in the parking garage,
has started Methadone treatment too.  All because of my son.
He saw how well Eamon was doing, so he started too.
We are all connected .
 Holding each others hand through thick and thin.

Ugh...the rain brought in a roach...Eamon killed it...TBTG
I usually call Derrick, our Orkin man.
Derrick says...is it dead or alive??
I say...dead...Derrick says, I can only kill it once!!!

Grousing about

Stitch carries the day!!

FYI, He likes Denise Schmidt too

I have finished 9 Tula blocks out of 100

I think I lean toward them because I can use some

of my favorite fabrics, but not use too much!!

Having my cake and eating it too.

Speaking of cake....I am totally out..

Block number 8

  

 Block number 9

I love the fussy cut Australian fabric with 

Denise Schmidt's Chicopee.

It is black, but not too stark and not too grey

Perfect.

Tonight was the night we started going thru Lynsey's clothes

to get rid of what was too small, getting ready for school.

She wears size 7/8.  We found Lynsey on the floor crying

because she did not want to part with her size 5 and 6

dearly beloved T-shirts etc.

I promised I would cut out the logos for a quilt some day

Some day far far far away.

Her father was here...He took over.

No, Lynsey, Yes, Lynsey.

He is a great father..

He cannot find a job with his history.

He is a car mechanic.

He could not get one of those new driver's licenses

because he does not have a bill to prove an address.

He is now living in a storage unit in a parking garage with a man

who is mentally ill...I cannot bear it.
He usually does not tell me these things..TBTG

He said other homeless cut up his tent..and it is no longer safe.

I told him that I would help him with a sober house, if he could find one.

He is afraid that they will not accept him on Methadone..
I know he will work it out...he is resilient.
.

I think I  need to win a financial lottery of some kind.

Or, maybe a mental health lottery.....for me...of course

Now, I see that the middle school is requiring a $100 calculator ...a Texas Instrument 84...The 82 he has had is not longer acceptable....Jeeze...where does the school get off...

I am not made of money. And I need someone to clear out my gutters before the new set of leaves fall.

The only "normal" member of my family, my daughter won a free week at a folk music camp

She won it by doing their advertising.

I was so proud...Until....

l heard it was 10 hour away from Portland, in the California town of Mendocino...

She drove alone through the winding roads in the fog through the mountains

and Redwoods.at night....to a B and B...then on to the camp.

She scared me in her rickety car...  She insists that the fires are in Mendocino county, not the town by the sea

It is all too much for this old grandma.

I just want to walk on a pier, or body surf in Santa Monica or ride a camel in India...all

that I used to do...I want to run in the wind, or roller skate..or hug my dear man.

Instead, a few glasses of Shiraz from a box  at Trader Joe's...gets me telling you all the business.

Hugs to my friends who listen to my story.....xo

The Midnight Tula blocks

Why I am doing these Tula blocks, I have no idea.

To do what with??  I have no idea.

But, I seem to be drawn to them.

I say....just one more.

Number 7

 Number 6

If I ever decide to run away from home...

I am moving in with Maria

Maria Shell's She Shed...

I was going to make something else, but I cannot find the fabric.
Once again, 11:47 is probably not the time...

Just Sayin'....

Memory Quilts

When I saw Betty's memory quilt online  yesterday, I thought

a post of memory quilts might be in order.

I am on a number of widow groups...all of us trying to get a grip on our loss.

Quilt by Betty Blais from the shirts of her husband

Looks like we have an Indian Hatchet here

An exciting quilt, with exceptional movement..

This quilt I made myself and one for my daughter from my husband's work shirts
It is batted with wool, and backed with owls..cuz he was a wise old owl.
This is the St Louis 16 patch
I have mixed fabric I love in with his shirts.

 Christine made this from her late husband's shirts.
A Disappearing Nine Patch

She is also working on his T-shirt quilt.

This quilt is one from my father's shirts.
He lived in Phoenix, Arizona...so all his shirts were cotton.
Mixed with muslin.. He died 20 years ago.
I see that I big-stitched this quilt with pearl cotton.
It is now on Dylan's bed...from his great-grandfather

There are many more choices out there in tutorials and on blogs.
They warm my heart.

A Whole Lot of Sewing Fun

Where to start???
Lecture and pineapple class with Anita Solomon
Stunning pineapple quilt made from Kona Coral and Kona Indigo
I loved the combination so much that I have to really
restrain myself from ordering it.!!!

follow her blog..here

From Anita's Class...Traditional Blocks Made Simple on Craftsy or ebook.
Yesterday's class was organized by Charlotte Modern Quilt Guild
and hosted by Project 658 Hope Restored

My pineapple blocks below..Hoping to add some Civil War fabric...hmmm
These are 10 1/2 inch blocks.

Going nuts trying to find Christmas fabric to take to
the workshop...I did not find what I wanted, BUT
When Evan pulled out the boxes of Christmas fabric,
I found this:  My long lost purple challenge which had slipped
onto the floor, behind the Christmas boxes..
I was so excited to find it, that I made a quick wonky picture
to post.

Remember, my Wednesday night group did a purple challenge
See Terri's finished top below.
Of course, I had to do some improv by cutting up
the squares.  I loved it, then I lost it..
Maybe tonight I can put another border on it.

Below:  Friendship treats from Terri..
A needle holder...a threader, a Christmas ornament hexie and
an adorable felted heart for pins.
It was Terri's birthday..she gave us goodie bags.xoxo

 The folded shoe above, unfolds into the needle holder
Isn't Terri clever!!!!

A birthday present gifted...as always..in a basket
from Nancy's Basket Gallery

Great fun yesterday...with a great teacher and great friends.
A big shout out to all who helped me...carry my things..
pick up what I dropped, etc etc. xoxo
Pain from the Cellulitis has put me back on a cane.
This extrovert was energized by being with quilting friends.
Today...is about resting and reading and sewing and
???organizing???

Hey, Margaret...Cotton Farmer...I have totally lost your email address.  I forgot what name I put it under in my contacts...soo can you email it to me again...pls..xo

Tula #5

Number 5

I am not sure that I will be making any more of these.
The pieces are too little.  I might make what I have into potholders.

Is it widow brain, or old age.?
Where did my wonderful mind go?

It was only an illusion, you say??

If my cellulitis lets me, I am going to Anita Solomon's workshop on Friday.

I have been fussing and fussing about having to buy the book.

It is out of print, but she has some expensive copies left.

The class itself was a reach for me.

Finally, I gave in..I went to get the Kindle edition for $9.99/

Amazon's message to me..You already bought that book in April????

Brain..dead...

Thanks to all my blogging friends who sent me emails to lift me up.

It has been 7 days and I am better,  but not fixed yet..

I am reminded that, I called the doctor

three days after my shoulder operation...complaining that I still hurt.

The nurse said to me....We said three months, not three days...#%!%^

My son is here helping.  He chopped up deck wood for the dump, made pancakes for his children for dinner..He put the children to bed, did the dishes, did the laundry, did the children's chores .Every day I am so grateful he is in the good shape he is in...just for today.

I told him that I frosted that cake and ate the whole thing.this weekend..breakfast, lunch and dinner.
His answer....that's OK, Mom...At your age you should do what  you want...
Just love my son.

The Epiphany and #4

Block number 4 of Tula Pink's 100 block book

Favorite  part...choosing the fun fabric

Midnight pondering...

When folks are sooo good to you..it is natural to want to give back.

It is impossible.  The only way is to pay it forward.

We receive and give support in such different ways.

We might think we are learning today..growing and improving.

Reality is that we never know but in retrospect.

I dig in my heels . I hate change...no use..

The river comes and sweeps us on.

It does not care what we want.

Life changes us anyway.

That is why I loved the book, The Poisonwood Bible.

Kingsolver is one of my favorite authors.

If you want to know my wisdom...just check in with me at midnight

after a bit of wine...I am sooo brilliant at this time..xo

Good night..

How Grandma got rid of Pearl

Just so you know, it was the devil to get rid of Pearl...but, Grandma is...
a bad-a...grandma now.
Instead of finishing up the old, I started the new
Below block number 3 from Tula's 100 block book.

Below number two

Below number 1

I am not used to working with such small pieces, these blocks are only six and a half inches.
I used some of my favorite fabric that I had been saving forever, it seems.

By reading outside in my garden underneath this tree.

Cellulitis leg up...and resting.

 By admiring the garden the children made with their daddy.

By  making a cake...shhhh  Do NOT tell anyone....

TBTG  That Pearl is history, for now....
And Grandma O'Quilts is getting better..
Mr. O'Quilts would be proud xo

Cheer up Grandma Day...Didn't you hear???

Using Tula Pink's Sampler book
Here is my block number one..

It took me forever to make it...All about fabric choices
making still another mess in my sewing room
I had become soo frustrated tonight, I decided to do something new.
I asked self...are you having fun...well yes.
Are you using favorite fabrics...well yes...
So what is the problem..?????  Right!!

.Grandma's acquaintance, Pearl came here again today.

I have told her and told her to stay away from me...

But, oh, no...she persists..and always at times when I am a bit on the weak side.

I did not order cellulitis...I ordered..youth like agility,
as I skipped into the sun with my dear man..

I am fighting Pearl..
I have told her that if she does not leave, I will punch her in the face..or

remind her that I live with three black belts..

She stays...

My son is here...He is saving me millions of dollars as he

cuts back trees, removes old posts, replaces rotten deck boards.

He renewed his driver's license that has been lost for three years, he got another social security card..also lost for 3 years...He applied for a few jobs.  Such a wonderful thing.

Lynsey told  me that at night when she is alone, she thanks God for Daddy being better

If I tell my son about Pearl bothering me, he will just say, as his daddy did before him:

Just go sew!!!!

Sitting here at the computer is Grandma O'Quilts and Poor Pitiful Pearl!!
Besides my poor leg...this quilt is the problem.
It has been here forever and I have vowed to finish it....
Finally I quilted it...almost finished, and bound it.
I have some more quilting to go...but I made some mistakes as I am not a good  free-motion machine quilter...Pearl wants me to toss it in the trash!!!  She says it is awful....

Better to just put it away and not pressure myself.
My daughter cheered me with this picture.
At the community garden they met a new friend, watering her garden
Her cat always comes with her..never leaves her purse.

Good  night on a good note!!

Chay please send me your email..I want to properly thank you for your note.
Someone has told me that tomorrow is a new fresh day.