Thursday, October 29, 2015

Sad Sack Sally and her Fabric Stash

My sister wants to throw out these vintage tablecloths...I took them instead into my stash.
Good idea for a backing???
Today my Valium came.
 My Oxycontin came too..and it is not even a controlled substance.
 And, here is my Xanax .
 If you do not sew and you are not six months a widow...well???
Maybe you cannot understand why I need these pretty meds.
In the grip here of perception deception.
I will not allow this to disrupt my day....  I will not, I will not.
I will accept my fragile state for what it is, and let go of hurt.
And, when grief engulfs me and I feel people all go on with their own busy lives, I will not take it personally..... it is life..and I, too have done that, before my losses. 

 When folks tell me their platitudes and their religious feelings, 
I will take it for how it is meant...generosity and kindness. 

 Nothing can fill the hole in my shattered heart, nothing.

I am going to try to eat better..with less sugar and more water.
The last time I was in Weight Watchers and had lost 20 pounds, Mr. O'Quilts called. 
 I left that meeting, only to hear his stunned voice deliver the news that he had been diagnosed with ALS.
I never went back.  It reminded me of my loss.
Today  I went back and I cried.
My whole reality is gone.
I do not know who I am any more.
I feel like I am going down a deep hole...then.....
My brain kicks in TBTG and tells me to get a grip.
We have a long line of strong women in our family.
God help me to be one of them.


Catherine said...

Hi Diane. Cry. Don`t fight your tears. Tears release pain and tension. Friends telling me "he`s in a better place" isn`t helpful but they are doing the best they can. It`s hard watching the world move on. The first year is so darn hard. Prayer helps me. Talking to a grief counselor can be very helpful too.

Now on to your tablecloths. Vintage red dyes bleed. I soak linens in white vinegar and water to set the dyes. It helps. I never tried a color catcher in my vintage fabrics. Sometimes the cloth looks strong but upon examination you may find a weak spot. A small weak area will grow. I would not use mine for backing. I`m sure someone with more experience will stop by and give you good advice.

Mary said...

Rest assured you are not friendless and you are strong.

Carol S. said...

Those are some of the best "drugs" ever with beautiful colors and designs! I hope they fill a few moments of your day with some smiles. I'm so sorry for your loss and the struggles you face daily.

Exuberantcolor/Wanda S Hanson said...

Reinventing yourself is part of the process. You are no long half (of a couple) you are a whole and you will make it. You have to get used to the "new" you and it takes time.

http://thankfullga447 said...

You need to grieve, I have one of those medications and it is very helpful.

Debby said...

Oh I sew love your medication!!! I think you are being to hard on yourself!!!! You have had so many losses in a short period of time, add to that a house full of grandbabies. I really don't know how you do it all. Be kind to yourself, give your body and heart time to heal, eat more chocolate, and take more medication :)

Rachaeldaisy said...

It must just feel impossible sometimes. Be kind to yourself. Lots of love and hugs to you!